“Soon!” I put my arms round him and hug him tight in relief. Luke loves me. It’s all happy again. I knew it would be.
TO: Dave Sharpness
FROM: Rebecca Brandon
SUBJECT: Luke Brandon
Dear Mr. Sharpness,
Just to repeat the message I left on your answering machine, I would like you to CALL OFF the investigation on my husband. Repeat: CALL IT OFF. He is not having an affair after all.
I will contact you in due course about the deposit I paid you.
With best wishes,
Rebecca Brandon
FACULTY OF CLASSICS
OXFORD UNIVERSITY
OXFORD OX1 6TH
Mrs R Brandon 37 Maida Vale Mansions Maida Vale
London NW6 0YF
11 November 2003
Dear Mrs. Brandon,
I am delighted to enclose translations of the Latin text messages you sent me, and hope they put your mind at rest. They are all entirely innocuous: for instance, sum suci plena means “I’m full of life” rather than the more graphic meaning you ascribed to it.
I also think you may have been unduly concerned by the phrases licitum dic, fac me, and sex, which in Latin means “six.”
If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to let me know. Perhaps some Latin lessons?
With very best wishes.
Yours sincerely,
Edmund Fortescue
Professor of Classics
THIRTEEN
THE WHOLE WORLD looks different when your husband isn’t having an affair.
Suddenly a phone call is just a phone call. A text is just a text. A late night out isn’t a reason to have a row. It even turns out fac me doesn’t mean…what I thought it did.
“Your friend Mr. Kovitz has just made yet another request,” he says. “Two tickets for Euro Disney.” He gives me a baleful stare. “Why is he going to Euro Disney?”
I can’t help cursing Danny inside. Why can’t he buy his own bloody tickets to Euro Disney?
“Inspiration!” I say at last. “He’s probably going to make some satirical comment on…modern culture.”
Eric doesn’t look impressed.
“Rebecca, this plan of yours is costing a lot more time and money than I anticipated,” he says heavily. “Money which could have gone into conventional marketing. It had better work.”