“Hmm,” I grunted. “I don’t know.” I looked away. I was completely torn about what to do.
“Well, look, Lincoln. We both know you’re officially discharged after this meeting… but if you ever need to talk”—my eyes locked with his—“I’m here. Email or call, or pop in if you want. My door is always open.”
“Doc—"
“It’s just an offer. I’m here. You’re in a good space mentally.”
I laughed roughly, and he watched me closely. “I don’t know what to do about her, Doc.” I sighed, and his scrutinizing stare gentled. Almost softened.
“In what way?” he asked, and I found myself wanting to spill my guts. Damn, the guy was good.
“If I meet her. If I get to see her face to face…”
“The world will end?” he teased. I shook my head, breaking eye contact as I looked out the big window in his office.
“I might… I’ve never…” I groaned. I sounded like a fucking idiot. This was exactly why I didn’t do feelings. Why I never got close. Too many what ifs and shit you couldn’t control.
“You’ve never what, Lincoln?” the doc asked gently, and I swallowed hard.
“I’ve never been… a girlfriend kinda guy,” I admitted, and when our gaze connected, his head tilted slightly as if studying me, trying to figure me out. He crossed his legs, and his light gaze never wavered.
“You mean… you prefer men?”
“No! Jesus.” I shook my head. “Nothing wrong with that, Doc. To each their own. I just mean I’ve never had a girlfriend. Anything serious.”
“Don’t you think that’s skipping a couple of steps?”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t met her. Face to face like you said. In real life. You’ve written letters and maybe talked?” he guessed. I nodded to confirm.
“On the phone,” I shared, and he nodded.
“But you don’t know what it will be like in real life.”
“What if… she thinks…” I scrubbed my face. “What if she thinks I’m ugly?”
“Are you trying to ask if I think you’re good looking?” he joked, and I coughed my laughter away.
“No.” I shook my head. “I just… I’m pretty banged up. Scarred up.”
“Like I said, Linc, you never know unless you put yourself out there.”
“Hmm,” I grunted, looking away. “Thanks, Doc.”
“Right. Well…” He scribbled something on the papers he had in his file and handed me the sheet on top. “Like I said, I’m here if you need to talk.”
Just like that, this broken Seal was free.
All I had to do was check in with my commanding officer before I went on R&R.
R&R I was determined on taking now.