“The day of the fire?” I asked.
I hated bringing up the fire. The memory was one of the worst ones she had.
“Yeah, that day.”
“I wished I had been there,” he said.
“Me too. We don’t know who did this.” She lifted a lock of her hair. “There is so much we don’t know.”
“We know it wasn’t The Society,” I said. “That has to mean something.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know anything anymore. I’m tired of hunting for answers that are only giving me more riddles.” She got to her feet and moved toward me. I spread my legs as she stepped between them and put her hands on my shoulders. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask me anything you’d like,” I said.
“Do you like me?”
“What?”
She pulled away. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a stupid question.”
She went to leave, and I grabbed her hands, tugging her back toward me. “Don’t go.” I didn’t want to let her go.
Putting my hands on the base of her back, I held her tight against me, but her gaze was on my chest, nowhere near my eyes.
“Sian, look at me.” I wanted her to see me, to know that I more than liked her. With my dad’s words ringing in my head, I had to make her see this was more than just some rules.
She turned her head, and I stared into her brown eyes.
“Of course, I like you. I don’t know why you’d think I didn’t.”
“Gideon, I know … I wasn’t a choice with you. None of this was a choice for me. I guess I don’t know what I’m guessing right now. I’m so tired. I’m going to look into going to college,” she said. “I know they can accept late admissions. Do you think your dad will help me?”
“My dad will help you with everything you want. You know that. What about your mom?”
“I don’t have the resources to find her. I … I don’t know her, Gideon. My dad took who she was away from me.”
“And it has stopped you wanting to find her?” he asked.
“No, it hasn’t stopped that. I can’t … I need to do something other than sitting around here all day. I’m going to get the laptop from Heather’s family and then I’m going to try and move on with my life.”
I held her a little tighter. “Are you pulling away from us?”
“No.” She cupped my face. “I only hope you see what’s going on here. What we need to do.” She kissed me. “I’m going to go to bed.”
I watched her go, hating the sight of her walking away. I didn’t want her to leave.
Gritting my teeth, I knew there was nothing I could do. No magical potion that could bring her back to me.
Sitting at the kitchen counter, I tried to think of solutions to our problem.
When I came up blank, I had no choice but to go and round up the boys, to let them know what was at stake. They were all asleep, and all of them hated me for waking them up, but I was more than happy for them to curse me out as I shook them awake.
We had important business to attend to.
“Do you mean with Dante or the fact I want to live my life?”
“Both. Don’t get me wrong, I’m jealous. Wish it had been me rather than Dante.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. I was glad she didn’t say it meant nothing.
“Are you going to ask me to not go?”
“I thought about it. It would be so easy to tell you I don’t want you to leave, and I’m not lying. I don’t want you to leave. How could I? I like you, Sian. This isn’t just about the initiation anymore. It’s about so much more than that.”