Penny snorts.
Vi grins.
And I just laugh.
Maybe I don’t have magic in my veins and I’m not at Hogwarts. But I’m at Heartstone. I have friends who care about me and who missed me while I was trapped inside my head.
And I have a man who calls me a fighter and saves me all in the same breath.
So I am in a good place, I think.
In the afternoon, I hear the worst thing of my life.
Well, okay, not the worst. Because the worst would be if the thing I heard came to pass.
I’m in the TV room, reading the climax of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, where they do a wizard version of prison break and fly up to a tower window. I overhear a couple of nurses mentioning something about Simon and my ears perk up.
“…I’ll let him know, yeah. I think he’s leaving for the day. Josie said they were gonna grab dinner together,” says the first nurse.
“Oh! Is it happening? The date?” the second nurse asks with a twinkle in her eyes.
The first nurse shakes her head, handing her a bunch of files. “Maybe. Who knows? I can’t wait to ask Josie all about it.”
They both laugh as I slowly lose all will to laugh. Ever.
I sit in my plastic chair, deaf and blind, as if I suffered an explosion. I’m not sure if I’m even breathing. But I’m definitely feeling. I’m feeling like I’m going to die. I want to die.
Actually, no.
I don’t want to die. I want to live.
Yes, I want to live. I want to live because…
Because if I don’t live, then I can’t stop this. I can’t stop them from going on a date. And I need to stop it. I have to.
I spring up, my already-abused-to-the-maximum book falling on the floor in two pieces. I wonder if it’s an omen. My book finally cracking in two, right in the middle. With surprisingly steady legs that bend down smoothly, I retrieve the book.
There’s no trembling or shaking or any nervous twitch in my body. It’s sure. It’s completely, absolutely sure and determined to stop this. I can’t help but wonder if I’m in a trance. If I’m drugged, or under hypnosis. Or maybe this is a different kind of insanity. A more rational kind.
I’m almost blind to the happenings of the hospital as I walk down the hallway, toward Simon’s office. I know people brush past me. I know they are talking. They are working. But I can’t see them. My mind’s on one thing: the man at the end of the hallway.
The hallway that’s not freely accessible to me, a patient. Although, I don’t seem to remember this until I’m stopped by a nurse. I tell her I need to see Dr. Blackwood but she says she can help me with whatever I need.
“I just… I need to see him. You can’t help me with it,” I tell her because that’s the truth. She can’t help me.
She goes to say something but the man I’ve been looking for comes out of his office – Thank God – and I call out his name to get his attention.
When he focuses on me, I take a deep breath and ask him, “C-Can I please talk to you? In your office?”
He frowns but nods. “Sure.” To the nurse, “I’ve got this.”
“Yes.”
“And what is that?” He crosses his arms across his chest, waiting patiently and impatiently at the same time.
“You… I… I haven’t seen you in days.”
“Excuse me?”
I shake my head. “I-I mean, I wanted to thank you. For, uh, you know, talking to me the other day. Helping me. Thanks for everything.”