****
Neil’s strong arms held me enclosed within them, teaching what it felt like to be body-to-body with the man I loved.
Beautiful, wonderful, and perfect is how it felt.
We also found that conversations came easily for us. Made total sense considering we had years of shared experiences to draw from.
“Do you remember the first time you came over to our house for dinner?” I asked him.
“Of course.” Neil’s fingers stroked up and down my arm as if he just wanted the contact of touching me.
I couldn’t get enough of his hands on me either. His touch was an affirmation of sorts for me. It made everything real and I desperately needed to believe that this was. All my hopes and dreams were riding on that simple fact.
“I fell in love with you when you winked at me over the table.” I looked into his eyes and saw the twinkling laugh reflected in them even if he was silent. Neil could communicate very clearly without speaking, and he did it all the time. I’m sure it was a good skill for the military too, especially when he was leading troops into battle. No wonder he’d already achieved the rank of captain in the British Army.
“I remember winking at you, thinking you were being so generous, offering me the last of your mum’s gourmet buns.”
“You were nice to me,” I told him, “so I could afford to be generous. Not many seventeen year olds will give a ten-year-old the time of day, let alone secret winks.”
Instead of responding to my confession, Neil loomed over me, his mouth dipping down to meet mine, his body pushing me back into the mattress again where he kissed me until I was breathless.
He laid his hand over my heart and held it there. Nothing sexual or wandering in the way he touched my breast, just the gesture of feeling the place where my heart pounded under the skin. “This heart is so beautiful, now as much as when you were ten. You have a beautiful heart, Cherry.”
Just like you do, Neil.
“I think I used to,” I said.
“What do you mean used to?”
I curled into his chest and traced a finger into the hollow of his throat. “After my d-dad died, I—I know I changed and I’m not—I’m not the person I was before. I’m not the nice girl you remember from years ago, Neil. I hope you know that.”
“But you are,” he said. “I know that’s not true. Why would you even think such a thing?” He tightened his grip around me.
“I’ve done things I never would have, if Dad were still here.”
“We all have, Cherry.” He kissed me slow before speaking. “I wish I’d been able to be here back then. I worried so much about you after your dad was taken.”
“I still miss him, so badly.”
“Of course you do. That’s normal.”
“But he would be ashamed of me and what I’ve been up to these last years.”
“And what’s that exactly?”
I didn’t know what to answer. If I was truthful, then Neil might be disgusted with me. If I wasn’t, then it made me a liar by omission and I didn’t think I could do that to Neil. I held our love to a higher standard, and somehow I knew he did as well.
“Well, I’m not innocent. I’ve done things I am ashamed of. I’ve messed around with a bad crowd and…boys. Dad raised me to be better, and to think more of myself than where I’ve been keeping company, and where I’ve been.”
“If you’re referring to that cocksucker, Tompkins, then I agree wholeheartedly—he wasn’t fit to even share air in a room with you.”
I laughed softly. “I know. Dad would never have let Denny in the door to look at me, let alone take me on a date.”
“Your dad was a wise man,” Neil said wryly.
“I was I in a fair bit in shock back at the pub when you were defending me. I couldn’t work out why you would be so interested…
in me.” My voice trailed off into the night time silence.