The silence held between them, and for one agonizing second, it was almost as if she would choose him. Almost as if she would let him take her hand and kiss her pain away.
Almost.
But in the end, it was just that.
Almost.
Because the moment she spoke, everything became clear.
“I’ll always love Damen, Ioniko.”
The truth was in her words. In the way her voice shook with both love and strength.
“The life we share may not always be perfect, but he will always be the reason I breathe, and I know…”
It was in the way she never tired of loving the other man even if it meant her tears would fall endlessly.
“I know you are one of the reasons why I’m by his side and for that I’m eternally grateful.”
It was in the way she looked at him without seeing him.
“I’ll always treasure your friendship, Ioniko, and I’ll always be humbled by it.”
Because for Mairi, it was and would always and only be Damen.
And never him.
Part IV
Ioniko had no fucking idea how he had gotten to Schuyler’s building. One moment, he was lost in the pain of his past, and the next thing he knew, he was outside her front door, and she was standing before him, her beautiful eyes wide with shock.
“Can I come in?” he heard himself ask.
“Uh…of course.”
He stepped past her and watched Schuyler shut the door closed and activate the locks like she was handling the Rubik’s cube version of manual security systems. When she finally turned around, she bumped straight into him, and Ioniko had to swiftly reach out to prevent her from losing her balance.
“You’re okay?”
“Um, yes—”
He let go of her as soon as he heard her words, feeling like he had lost all rights to touch her.
“What’s wrong?”
His gaze swerved back to Schuyler at her words, and Ioniko realized with a jerk that she was doing it again.
“Please just don’t stare at me like that.”
Subconsciously or not, she was once again reading the truth in his heart—
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
And he didn’t fucking want that.
Fuck no.
He nearly snarled the words out, and he had to clench his jaw against the urge to tell her to stop.
Don’t look inside of me.
Don’t.
Just don’t.
Because if she did…if she fucking did…then she would know that even if he was looking at her right now, it was someone else he was seeing. That even as she started talking, and his own lips started moving in return—
Ioniko, I’m sorry.
No goddamn idea—
Until he felt her starting to pull away.
And that was when he heard himself say, “I still want you.”
She jerked in his arms.
“I still want you,” he repeated doggedly, “and that’s why I had to see you.”