Camryn catches my eyes; she’s probably been trying to get my attention for the past couple of minutes, and for a second, I think she’s trying to indicate that she’s ready to go, but then she shakes her head, telling me instead to calm down.
Instantly, I do.
“So,” Asher chimes in to lessen the tension in the room, “how long have you two been going out?” He leans against the wall near the television, crossing his arms over his chest.
We look almost exactly alike with the same brown hair and crazy f**king dimples. Aidan is the oddball of the three of us; his hair is a lot darker and instead of dimples, he has a small birthmark on his left cheek.
“Oh, no we’re just friends,” I say.
I think Camryn just blushed, but I can’t be sure.
“Must be a good friend to come all the way to Wyoming with you,” Aidan says.
Thankfully he’s not being a dick. If he decided to take his anger on me out on her, I’d have to break his face.
“Yeah,” Camryn speaks up and instantly I’m absorbed by the sweetness of her voice, “I live near Galveston; thought someone should ride along with him since he was taking a bus.”
I’m surprised she remembers what city I told her I lived in.
Aidan nods kindly at her; his cheeks moving as he chews.
“She’s hot, bro,” I hear Asher whisper at me from behind.
I turn around at the waist and glare at him to shut up. He smiles, but he does shut up.
The ol’ man stirs almost unnoticeably and Asher moves over to the side of the bed. He thumps Dad on the nose playfully. “Wake up. We brought burgers.”
Aidan holds his burger up as if our dad can actually see it. “They’re good, too. Better wake up soon or they’ll be gone.”
Dad doesn’t stir again.
He has all three of us trained. We would never think to stand around his bed and look all depressed and shit. And when he dies, Aidan and Asher will probably order a pizza and buy a case of beer and shoot the shit until the sun comes up the next morning.
I won’t be here for that.
In fact, the longer I stand here the better the chances are that he will die before I can leave.
I talk with my brothers and Michelle for a few more minutes and then walk over to Camryn.
“Are you ready?”
She takes my hand and stands up with me.
“Already leaving?” Aidan says.
Camryn speaks up before I do and says with a smile, “He’ll be back; we’re just going to grab something to eat.”
She’s trying to diffuse an argument before it starts. She looks at me and I, agreeing to go along with it, turn to Asher and say, “Call me if there’s any change.”
He nods but offers nothing else.
“Bye Andrew,” Michelle says. “It was good to see you again.”
“You too.”
Asher walks with us out into the hall.
“You’re not coming back, are you?” he says.
Camryn turns away from us and walks a little ways down the hall to give us a minute.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Ash, I just can’t deal with this. I can’t.”
“I know bro.” He shakes his head. “Dad wouldn’t even care, you know that. He’d rather you be getting laid, or shitfaced, than hanging around his old ass in that bed.”
He does speak the truth, strangely enough.
He also glances at Camryn once after having said that.
“Just friends? Really?” he whispers at me with a devious grin.
“Yes, we’re just friends, so shut the f**k up.”
He laughs in his chest and then pats the side of my arm. “I’ll call you when I need to, alright?”
I nod, agreeing. When he ‘needs to’ call me, he means when Dad has died.
Asher raises his hand to wave at Camryn. “Nice to meet you.”
She smiles and he disappears back inside the room.
“I really think you should stay here, Andrew. I really do.”
I start to walk faster down the hall and she keeps up right alongside me. I slide my hands down in my pockets. I always do that when I’m nervous.
“I know you probably think I’m a selfish bastard for leaving, but you don’t understand.”
“Well, tell me,” she says, grabbing me around the elbow and we just keep walking. “I don’t think you’re being selfish, I think you just don’t know how to deal with this kind of pain.”
She’s trying to catch my gaze, but I can’t look at her. I just want to get out of this death sentence built with red bricks.
We make it to the elevator and Camryn stops talking since there are two other people inside with us, but as soon as we stop on the ground floor and the silver metal doors slide open, she goes back to it.
“Andrew. Stop. Please!”
I stop at the sound of her voice and she turns me around. She gazes up at me with such a tormented look on her face that it sort of hurts my heart. That long, blonde braid still hangs over her right shoulder.
“Talk to me,” she says more softly now that she has my attention. “It doesn’t hurt to talk.”
“Kind of like how it doesn’t hurt to tell me why Texas?”
That stings her.
CAMRYN
13
HIS WORDS SHUT ME up for about five full seconds. My hand drops from his elbow.
“I think your situation is a little more important than mine right now,” I say.
“Really?” he says, “And you wanting to ride around alone on a bus, not knowing where the hell you’re going and putting yourself in danger; that doesn’t seem imminently as important to you?”
He seems angry. I can tell that he is, but most of it, if not every bit of it, is because his father is upstairs dying, and Andrew doesn’t know how to let him go. I feel sorry for him, for being raised to believe that he can’t show the kind of emotion needed in a situation like this, or else it will make him less of a man.
I can’t show the emotion, either, but I wasn’t raised that way, I was forced into it.
“Do you cry at all?” I ask. “About other things? Have you ever cried?”
“What?” I laugh. “No! It was just an analogy.”
I know he’s aware of that, but I need to say something to help distract him from my reddening cheeks. “You know what I mean.”
He smiles. “Yeah, I know, but you do owe me a ‘friendly’ dinner in the company of a steak.” He quotes with his fingers when he says ‘friendly’. The smile never leaves his face.
“I do, I admit it.”
“Then it’s settled,” he says, looping his arm through mine and walking me toward the cab waiting near the parking lot. “We’ll pick up my dad’s car from the bus station, stop by his house and grab a few things and then we’re on the road.”