“How about like this?” I roll over to my side and lean down to kiss her lower back. “Does that help?” I ask, suppressing my laughter when she shivers.
“No, it’s worse, but it’s okay. You can keep kissing there if you want to.”
I smile to myself and then place another kiss on her back, sliding my tongue over her skin. She squirms so I do it again, then rest my head on her back, place my hand on her side, and my fingers fold around her ribs.
“Do you remember any of that night at all?” she murmurs against the pillow.
“Any of what night?”
“The night we got the tattoos.”
“I already told you when we woke up on the park bench that I didn’t remember a thing and the memories never came back to me. It’s just one of those kinds of nights that I think will be a blank.”
“Yeah, but I’ve always wondered if you were just telling me that you didn’t remember because you worried that I’d get weird about whatever happened.”
“Well, as much as that sounds like something I’d do, I honestly can’t remember a single thing,” I say. “Other than, one minute we were drinking a lot out in my backyard while a party went on inside and the next thing I knew we were waking up on the park bench, your shoes were missing, and my arm was burning like a motherfucker. I’d seriously like to know how I managed to convince both of us to do it. And how I managed to get you to do something so permanent,” I tell her and she grows quiet, the sound of her breathing mixing with the slow paced song. The longer she remains silent, the more I start to worry. “Ella May?”
“Yeah.” Her voice is high and full of nervousness.
My palm glides down her side to her hips. “Have you been lying about not remembering any of that night?”
She pauses, her body tensing. “No. I’ve already told you a thousand times I can’t remember a thing.”
“Pretty girl, I think your lie’s showing.” I tickle her side and she buries her face in the pillow, shaking her head. “You do remember something, don’t you?” I press my chest against her back and lean over her shoulder, dipping my mouth to her ear. “Just tell me. I won’t be mad.”
“I know you won’t be mad,” she says, rotating her head to the side so her face is away from the pillow. “But you’ll be smug, which is worse and why I’ve kept it a secret.”
“I won’t be smug,” I say enticingly. “I promise.”
“You will too, Micha Scott,” she argues. “I know you too well not to think otherwise.”
“I can make you roll over and tell me.” I push away from her a little and skim my finger down her back to the center of her legs. She jumps, startled, as I start to put my finger inside her.
“Micha.” She narrows her eyes through the dark as she flips over onto her back and bolts upright, the moonlight hitting her bare chest. “That was a low move.”
I sit up, pulling her legs over my lap as I turn to the side and relax against the wall. Then I situate her on my lap, so her ass is positioned over my cock. “Just tell me,” I say. “I’ll try not to be smug but I want to know.”
She sighs and then puts her head against my shoulder. “Fine, but only because I love you.”
I kiss her forehead, breathing in her words, never getting tired of hearing them. “Fair enough.”
She sighs again and then she splays her fingers across my stomach. “You remember how we decided that everyone at your house was annoying and that we just needed to have a party of our own so we took a bottle of Bacardi and snuck outside?”
I nod, resting my chin on top of her head. “Everyone was always annoying.”
“Yet you always had the parties.” She draws a pattern across my stomach and then up to my chest. “Almost every weekend after you turned sixteen.”
“I was bored and liked the distraction.” I shiver from her touch—she’s the only girl who’s ever gotten me to shiver.
She walks her fingers up my stomach and stops them over my heart, pressing her palm flat against it. “The distraction from what?”
I place my hand over hers and trap her hand in place. “From you.”
She tenses and so do I because I know what’s coming.
“Is that why you slept around so much?” she asks quietly.
I shut my eyes, knowing she can feel the acceleration in my heart rate. “Haven’t I always told you I was just passing time until you came around?”
“Yeah, but did you really have to sleep with everyone?”
“I didn’t sleep with everyone—not even close,” I point out. “And I was sixteen and horny and everyone I hung around with was hav**g s*x.”
“So it was because of peer pressure?” she questions, doubtful. “Because that doesn’t sound like you.”
I open my eyes and sigh, releasing her hand. “It wasn’t really because of anything and that’s kind of the point. I was young and bored and in love with my best friend and if I tried to do anything at all that went past the friend boundary, she’d get upset. I didn’t know what to do with myself half the time, and honestly, Ella, I felt like shit most of the time about the stuff I did, not just with other girls but with you.” I pause, giving her room to say something and when she doesn’t, I continue. “Do you remember that time when I made you go racing with me and when I won I kissed you because I got a little overly excited?”
She hesitantly nods with her hand still positioned over my heart. “I almost punched you in the face, but only because it was a reflex. I wasn’t used to people touching me like that.”
“You were so pissed.”
“Only because I was confused.”
I pause. “About what?”
She hesitates. “About me and you and what I was feeling.”
“And what were you feeling? Because I’m dying to know.” Even though I have her now, I still love hearing about our past and the fact that sometimes I wasn’t the only one suffering in silence.
She turns her face toward me so her breath warms my chest, her lips grazing my skin. “I’m not sure.”
“Did you like what you were feeling?” I touch my lips to her forehead.
Micha sets the cologne back down on the dresser beside a pile of his old guitar picks. “Why would he act weird about it?”
I shrug, removing the cap from my deodorant. “Because it has to do with my mom, and what if he wants to read it?”
“Then let him read it.”
I wipe some deodorant on my armpits and then toss it back into the bag. “Yeah, but it says stuff… about him… not nice stuff either, at least not great stuff about how she felt about marrying him.”
His throat bobs up and down as he swallows hard, raking his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t then.” He pulls open the top dresser drawer and begins digging through it like he’s looking for something when there are only a few old T-shirts in there.