I back for the door, scooping up a lighter my dad left behind when he bailed out on me. “I want to burn all the stuff that ever reminded me of my dad.”
I wait for her to lecture me, but she picks up her jacket and zips it. “We should probably do it in an open area, like the driveway,” she says, unfazed. “Just to be safe.”
“There is no one else in the world who can get me like you do, pretty girl.” I take her hand and we head outside to build a fire.
The sun is actually out and shining down, but the air is still cold. Everything is concealed in frost and the driveway has been plowed.
Ella hunts for the lighter fuel and some wood while I go into the garage and collect some things that belonged to my dad. When I return to the driveway, she has a small fire going and a relaxed look on her face as she stares at the flame with her head tilted to the side.
I start throwing things into the flames one by one, starting with an old work shirt that was left in the garage. “I’ve decided I’m not going to talk to him again.”
She takes the lighter and tosses it into the flames. “But what if he calls and really wants to be in your life again?”
I chuck one of his old screwdrivers into the fire, even though it won’t really burn. “He’s going to have to do a hell of a lot more than call.” I take a deep breath and stare at the photo of my dad and me in front of his old Dodge Challenger parked in the garage. We used to work on it every day. It was our thing, until he bailed and took the car with him, and all that was left was an empty garage full of bullshit memories.
I crumple up the photo and toss it into the fire, watching it singe. “He’ll have to earn it.”
Her fingers grab mine and she squeezes my hand. “Good, because he doesn’t deserve you.”
With the next thing I try to add, she quickly tries to stop me.
“What are you doing?” she asks, snatching ahold of my wrist to stop me from throwing the six-pack of beer into the fire.
“I’m getting rid of my baggage.”
“Micha, I didn’t say you had to stop drinking, just that you should stop trying to deal with your problems that way.”
“I know,” I say. “But right now, I think this is what we both need.”
Looking into my eyes, she nods and lets go of my arm. I chuck the pack into the flames, which rush up toward the sky excitedly as the bottles break. As we stare at the blazing flame melting away at the snow, Ethan’s truck pulls up and he and Lila hop out.
“Okay, I so want to know what this is for,” Lila says, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets, the glow of the fire reflecting in her wide eyes.
“We’re saying good-bye.” I swing my arm around Ella’s shoulder and draw her closer.
“Good-bye to what?” Ethan asks, zipping up his coat and pulling the hood over his head.
Ella and I trade a secret glance.
“To the past,” she says, and I smile, because that’s exactly what it is.
Chapter 22
Ella
The next few days are relaxing and filled with long drives and small conversations. Caroline takes her pictures of us out in the front yard. We all manage to smile in some of them, but it’s much easier in the pictures of just Micha and me. When we’re getting ready to leave to go back to our lives, she assures me that she’ll send me copies.
Lila and Ethan returned back to Vegas the day before and Micha and I are taking the dinged-up Chevelle back home. Micha is waiting in the car while I say a quick good-bye to everyone. Dean gives me a halfhearted pat on the back and Caroline gives me a real hug, throwing me out of my comfort zone.
When she pulls back, my anxiety is pounding through my chest, but I mentally talk myself down and approach my dad, who’s standing on the back porch with a heavy brown coat on. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay for a few extra days and help you get the house all set up. Or go with you to your first AA meeting?” I don’t really want to, but I worry he won’t go if someone isn’t watching him.
“I’ll be fine,” he assures me, dragging his hand along the railing as he steps down from the top step. His hair is combed and his eyes have life in them. I’m not sure how long it will take me to get used to his new look. Probably a while, since I can’t remember him ever looking this healthy. “Can we talk for a minute, though?”
Perplexed, I nod and follow him out back. Frost glazes the entire yard as the sunlight sparkles down on it. He dithers in his thoughts for a while, staring at the garage as if it holds the answers to life.
“I want you to know that I meant what I said in that letter,” he finally says with an uneasy tone. “Sometimes it’s just hard for me to express myself out loud.”
I nod, understanding as I scrape my boots at the snow. “I get it. I really do.”
He rubs his hand across his face. “Would you consider coming back here for spring break, just to visit, not to look after me or anything?”
“Dad, you know the house is about to enter foreclosure, right?” I ask nervously. “Didn’t you see any of the bills on the table?”
He nods, raking his hands through his hair. “I did and I might have to let it go. But the thing is, Ella, it’s not for you to worry about. That’s kinda what this is all about. You need to go live your life and I’ll live mine. I’m learning how to do that now.”
The feeling makes me nervous, yet frees me at the same time. It’s confusing and new, but so is everything really. “Okay, I’ll try.”
“Good.” He hesitates and then opens his arms to give me a hug.
Scratching the back of my neck, I move in awkwardly for a hug and his arms wrap around me. Never can I remember him hugging me. Not once, even when I was a kid. It’s weird and unnatural, but I’m glad it happened. And when it’s over, I wave good-bye and head for the driveway, letting go and moving on.
When I climb into the car, Micha grins at me, sets the iPod down in the console, and laces our fingers together. “Are you ready?”
I nod as a smile breaks through. “I’m more than ready.”
Returning my smile, he backs out of the driveway and onto the slush-covered road. As we drive away from our houses, I can feel myself moving forward toward the beginning of my own life.
Epilogue
Six months later
“You could make a list,” she suggested. “Of the pros and cons and how you feel.”
I glanced at a notebook and pen on top of my dresser in the corner. “That’s your advice?”
“That’s my advice,” she said, and someone talked in the background. “I have to go, but make a list like I said and then call me later and we’ll talk.”
“Fine.” I sighed, hung up, and did what she told me to do. In the end, the list told me what I had known all along, but I was just too afraid to admit it aloud without some encouragement.
I applied for some jobs online in San Diego and we made a trip out there a couple weeks ago for job interviews. We picked out a one-bedroom apartment in a decent area. It’s scary as hell, but with Micha by my side, I know I can handle it.