That’s when I decided to leave Grace here in a room where hope might still live—where maybe one day we’d be together again, but it just never happened.
I reach a hand up and place it against the mirror, and she does the same.
“I’ll miss you,” I tell her softly.
“Only until we’re reunited again,”she promises with a brave smile.
“I’m sorry I was so mean to you.”
“I forgave that a long time ago, Grace. I’ll wait for you here. Be brave; the last act of kindness you can do is for yourself.”
I nod as I take a deep breath, then lean forward and press my lips against the dusty, cool glass. She does the same and when I pull away, she smiles.
And so do I.
She’s right.
The final act of kindness will absolve me of all of the sins I’ve committed in this holy place.
It will wash away the memory of shoving the Bitch Mother down the garbage chute and laughing when her neck broke.
It will cleanse me of all of the sin of having murdered so many animals to use for the pleasure of others.
It’ll make me a good girl again and we’ll be together.
If there is any goodwill left toward me inside of these walls, I’ll be thrown into the fields behind the convent. Hopefully far enough where the rest of my child rots peacefully in the wild, and every sin I’ve committed since coming here will be cleansed.
A final curtain call and all will be forgiven.
* * *
I walk back to my showroom feeling better about things than I have in years. I’m thinking a little clearer now and that feeling of hope I had lost so long ago is starting to surge through my veins.
I walk to the small closet that I keep my habits in, only this time, I pull out a plain black dress and pull it over my naked body.
No more welts or bruises.
No more acts of self-harm or degradation.
No more meaningless deaths.
And most of all, no more nefarious acts being carried out for the pleasure of others.
I scoop up the belt from where I dropped it on the floor, then make my way over toward where Reade is sitting.
I put one hand to his chest and the other around the small bicep, twisting and turning it with all of my might until I’m finally able to extract it from where it’s been lodged in his throat. I toss it toward the wall, shove his body off the chair, then begin to hum my once favorite hymn to myself as I drag the chair toward the wall furthest away from my equipment. As I continue to hum quietly, I walk back toward the desk that holds my computer, and carefully push it closer to the wall until it’s halfway in between to the two spots.
Leaning around the side, I peer into the camera lens, smile, and give a little wave before I head back to the chair. Belt held firmly between my teeth, I climb up, then loop it over the low-hanging pipe that leads into the wall and give it a firm tug.
Once I’m sure it won’t collapse under the weight of my body, I wrap the other end around my neck and loop the belt buckle closed.
Then I close my eyes.
Make the sign of the cross.
And step happily off the edge of the chair.
Now Grace and Paloma can be together again and once my soul surrenders to the sweet serenity of death, no one will ever be able to use me again.