No matter what happens here, I have to believe that it is better than what would’ve happened had I stayed at the group home, although I still don't know what happened to Tanya and the others.
My first day at the Convent, I was given a tour of the facility. The pamphlets had given me the conventional rules and some non-conventional ones. Since I was coming in untarnished, virginal, I was obviously expected to stay that way. The vow of silence was my choice. It seemed to kill two birds with one stone.
One, it would let me take in as much knowledge as I could at the convent. Two, and this one may be the most important, the cops could not compel me to testify to anything if they ever realized it was me that put a large dose of rat poison in Rita’s special creamer only she was allowed to use. My hope was, it would be a long slow death. Also, since I was here, I would be forgiven for that act.
Mother Superior seemed quite pleased with my vow of silence since I was new, and, needed to absorb knowledge, that was until the two priests stepped in to take over my training. They said they wanted to make sure I was being watched as closely as possible.
Sadly, since then, she had treated me like a leper. It wasn’t like I had a choice. I would not choose to be used for such degrading acts, but if that is my path, then that is what I shall do.
So here I am, sheltered in my own room. It’s not like I don’t hear or see things the other girls do. For me, when I am with the men, I feel like I am doing something positive.
With Father O’Rourke, his carnal desires and pain predilections are tempered by having a living canvas. It helps me know how much pain I can withstand. When I cry, it is purging for me, purging of my soul. It also saves another soul who may not be as strong as I am.
With Father Clarence, well, if he can think of me as the young boy he needs for his fantasies, it saves a real young boy from going through it. I would rather be part of the deviance then worry about the psyche of someone else who doesn’t comprehend what is happening.
I choose to lay in bed to pray, when it is my evening prayers. It helps me relax after my long day, but it also lets me drift over my consciousness. It feels like I actually come out of my body, hover over, and watch what is happening.
I’m generally watching myself lying on the wooden structure I sleep on, but sometimes, once in a while, I see one of the sisters sneaking in. Sometimes just to stare at me, which is creepy, of course there is always Sister Hanleigh, who leaves me a treat, for whatever reason I am not sure, and twice, I have seen Mother come in, walk over, and run her fingers through my hair while whispering a prayer.
I wish she was that comfortable with me while I was awake. Watching from afar, or maybe I am dreaming and it just seems real, it is truly the only time I am at peace.
Chapter 6
Mrs. Otis
6 Months Ago
I really wishI could take Julia home with me. It is so frustrating knowing Rob is in the law force and there isn’t shit we can do.
At least she was brave enough to come to me when no one else here wanted to stick their nose in it. What a bunch of pansy asses. I feel so blessed to have a priest in my family. Uncle Clarence will take great care of her. She just needs to get through these next few months with that nasty woman since social services refused to open a case up.
* * *
Rita
That stupid little bitch got me called into the office trying to get me in trouble, after she tried to run away? She will pay dearly for this.
I feel somewhat bad I am selling them to sex traffickers, but in fairness, what were they actually going to do with their lives after school anyway? Hook. That’s what.
I was just getting them a boss who would take care of them. Now Julia who has given me nothing but trouble was trying to take away my new cash flow? Fuck that. Let the goddamn convent have her. I would give Sheila and Marco her picture so if they saw her outside in the church garden, they could grab her free of charge.
Fucking cunt deserves everything that is coming to her. Tonight, since they are leaving her with me, I will make sure she knows who the boss is.
* * *
Julia
Trying not to smile on the way home, I knew Rita was pissed off. They told her I was not to have any repercussions or they would open up a case.
She told them she had nothing to hide, in fact they were welcome to take me. She had called their bluff. She knew they didn’t want me either. Even that didn’t bother me. I had a calling for the first time in my life. Everything seemed to be coming together.
Clutching the pamphlets tight, I couldn’t wait to get to my room and read about my future. Mrs. Otis gave me a small personal sized bible she kept in her desk. I wanted to start right away on it. I glanced at Rita who was being unusually quiet.
“I won’t give you any more problems.” I said quietly.
She turned around sneering at me, “No, I don’t suppose you will.” Then stormed inside the house.
I may have really screwed up. But it didn’t matter. I would be long gone soon.