Rafiq smiled weakly and shut his eyes.
Caleb slowly reached back for his gun and shot Rafiq in the heart.
Afterward, he washed Rafiq’s body. He removed errant blood and dressed his wounds with strips of cotton sheets. He wept as he wrapped the body tightly.
With great difficulty, he carried him out toward one of Felipe’s gardens and buried the only family he had ever known.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Day 11: 5am
“Are you hurt?” Caleb whispers. His blond brows are creased in concern. I’ve never seen him look like this. He’s so happy, at ease.
I reach up and caress his beautiful face. “I’m okay.”
He swipes at my eyes, “Then why are you crying?”
“I don’t know,” I say and continue to run my hand across his face. “I think I’m just happy.”
He smiles, “Strange response to happiness, but okay.” He leans down and I feel him lick one of my tears.
I squirm, “What are you doing?” I laugh.
“I was curious,” he whispers very seriously.
“About what?”
“If happy tears taste the same as the sad ones,” he says.
His words make me cry even harder. I can’t control them. I’m just so overwhelmed with everything. “And?” I manage.
“I think they’re sweeter,” he says and kisses me, “but it could just be your face.” We dissolve into peals of laughter.
I hear voices.
I bolt up in bed. For a few seconds I have no idea where I am. The room is small. There are grates on the windows. The bed isn’t Caleb’s.
“I can’t come back in three hours. I need to speak with her now,” a man says. The voice is familiar, but I don’t know why. I’m having trouble placing it.
It’s Reed. Caleb’s not here, remember?
I feel tears rolling down my cheeks and clogging my throat. I’m awake now. I remember where I am. I’m in the hospital. Caleb is gone. I’m alone in the dark again.
Only a few seconds ago, I held Caleb in my arms. I touched him. I smelled him. I tasted his flesh in my mouth. And now, he was gone. I’d forgotten.
The pain of remembering knocks the wind out of me and I take a deep breath. When I exhale, the sound coming out of me is pure grief. He was just here. He was just in my arms and I lost him.
“Help me! Please!” I beg. I’m not sure whom I’m begging. Maybe it’s God. Maybe it’s the devil. I just want the pain to go away.
The door to my room bursts open.
“Olivia?!?” Reed yells.
I don’t acknowledge him. I’m on my knees with my head pressed into the bed and I’m sobbing. I shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to go back to sleep. I want to go back to my dream, back to Caleb. I can’t f**king breathe! I can’t breathe without him. I don’t want to.
“What’s wrong?” Reed says urgently, “Are you hurt? Talk to me!”
Go away, go away, go away.
“This is a hospital, Agent Reed! Please, put away the gun!” a woman says.
“I love you, Caleb. I love you! If you care for me at all…please, don’t do this! Please, don’t leave me. I don’t know how to live without you. Don’t make me go back to trying to be someone I don’t know how to be anymore.”
“Livvie….”
“No!”
I scream in my sorrow. I can’t help it. I would if I could. I know they’re watching me. I can feel their hot stares against my back. They don’t get it. No one does. I’m all alone and it’s Caleb’s fault.
“Please,” I beg. “Please make it stop.”
“Miss Ruiz?” Reed says cautiously, “Livvie?”
“Step back, Agent Reed. She’s having some sort of break right now and she could hurt you if you get too close. Wait for the orderlies,” says the woman.
“She’s not going to hurt anyone. I’ll take my chances,” Reed says.
“Sir –”
“She’s a witness in a federal investigation and I need to talk to her right the f**k now. I don’t want her doped up. Get out!” Reed yells and his presence is beginning to penetrate the fog of my grief.
I keep telling myself to breathe. I keep reminding myself I’ve been here for days. Caleb has been gone for days. He wasn’t here. I never touched him. I never held him.
“Live for me, Kitten. Be all those things you’d never be with me. Go to school. Meet a normal boy and fall in love. Forget me.”
“I can’t!” I yell into the void.
Breathe!
Breathe!
Breathe.
I’m confused. “No. Why?”
“It came up and I needed to know; that’s all,” Reed says. “Never mind. I guess it’s not important.”
“You wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important, Reed.” He’s piqued my interest and I struggle into a sitting position so I can see his face and gage him better. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.
Reed leans forward with his arms rested on his knees. “I came to tell you the charges against you are being dropped.” He says it in a rush, flat but full of something else. “Once you’re cleared by your doctor, I’ve been instructed to debrief you. Sign some paperwork and you should be able to leave today.”
“What!?!” I exclaim, my mind reeling. The news is a shock to my system. I’m not ready to go. I’m not ready to start over. I’m not ready to accept Caleb is gone and I have to face the world alone.