Chapter one
Giana
Now
Isqueezedmyeyesshut, willing my heartbeat to calm its frantic pace as light flashed against my closed eyelids, the sunlight streaming past the towering buildings. My breaths came in short, shallow pants as my fingernails dug into my knee, begging my body to cooperate and not let me break down in the back of a cab.
The driver slammed on his brakes, screaming at the back of another car in the middle of bumper-to-bumper traffic. My body jerked against the seatbelt at the abrupt motion. Cars were cutting each other off left, right, and center, their horns blaring as people desperately attempted to make their way out of the city for the weekend. Most of them were probably heading out to The Hamptons, the playground of the wealthy New Yorker, where they’d spend the next couple of days drunk on rosé before speeding back to the office on Monday morning.
I knew that because that was my life—well,wasmy life … until now. The frivolity and mindless partying were a way to numb myself from reality, to make myself believe I could live this life. The rose-colored wine acted like glasses of the same shade, calming me before my inevitable slaughter. Because that was how it felt every day I was stuck in that life, another piece of my soul was chipped away, plummeting me further into the numbness. If I didn’t leave now, there would be nothing left. I’d be an empty shell of a person, retreating so far into myself there’d be no turning back.
New York was supposed to be my escape, my shot at another life, at leaving behind my past that still clung to me. But instead, it turned into my prison. The walls of the penthouse condo felt restrictive like bars on a cell, except my jailer was glued to my side all hours of the day. The only reprieve I had was a few hours at work. Other than that, he followed me around like a dark shadow, haunting my every waking moment while also lurking in my dreams, which were more like my nightmares. The same one played on repeat, leaving me in a cold sweat every night. I fought against the weighted press of sleep only to wake up to the same monster nestled into my side.
“We may be a few minutes late, Miss,” the cab driver said, breaking through my innermost thoughts and shattering the cold press of fear that had settled over my skin, pebbling it into goosebumps despite the sweltering heat pressing in on me. The summer sun beat down on me through the windows of the car, drawing my gaze outside.
“That’s fine, as long as we get there.” The airport felt like a safety net because it was large enough to get lost in. If I didn’t make this flight, I would catch the next, just as long as I got there unscathed. The security and cameras alone would ensure my safety. But if he caught me—I refused to think of the consequences of that, who he would hurt or what else he could take from me, telling myself everything would be fine.
“If you say so,” he scoffed, shaking his head while he pressed on the horn again, a string of curses leaving his lips aimed at the black sedan that cut us off. My gaze swiveled around the cab, surveying the cars, and making sure none of them were familiar. When none of them were, I reminded myself to relax and take a deep breath. The last thing I needed was for the driver to get suspicious and call the cops or something. No, that would be bad,reallybad.
Pulling my purse onto my lap, I dug into its depths, searching for my phone in the mess of papers. I didn’t let my mind linger too long on those papers. They were my ticket to a new life, to freedom. My fingers grasped the plastic case and I pulled it out, letting myself celebrate the small win as I opened my contacts and scrolled the listings.
My hand shook as I brought the phone to my ear and the ring sounded through the speaker. My foot bounced against the cab floor, anxiety rushing through me as I waited for her to answer.
“Gi, is everything alright? You’re supposed to be at the airport right now,” my best friend, Sophia, said, not bothering to waste time on pleasantries. I sighed a breath of relief, taking comfort in having someone with me right now, even if it was only over the phone. It would’ve been too suspicious for her to come with me. Too easy to track me, since she would have to come back.Her life is here in New York,I reminded myself, fighting back the urge to beg her to leave with me. I knew she would. If I told her the full terrible story of the past few years, she would leave to keep me safe.
I loved her to pieces, but I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t even let her know where I was going because he could get that from her; he could manipulate anyone into telling him anything he wanted to know. He didn’t even need to lift a finger, that’s what his men were for. All he needed to do was press a single button on a phone and he would have you in the palm of his hand.
“I’m alright, Soph, just traffic,” I whispered, hitching my voice low so the driver couldn’t hear through the thin pane of glass that separated us. The horn blared a moment later punctuating my words.
“Fuck, Gi, that’s not good. I knew you should have left earlier,” Soph groaned, her pacing audible, even through the phone.
“I know, but if I had, it would’ve raised too many red flags, you know that,” I explained, leaning back in the seat, attempting to ease the tension in my shoulders as we continued our steady pace through the crowded, rush-hour streets. The plan was to book a flight for around the same time that I normally flew out on the jet to The Hamptons, so by the time he noticed that I wasn’t there, I would already be safely through the airport and on another flight out of the country.
“I know you’re right. I just worry.” She sighed, flopping down on her leather couch if my ears heard correctly. “Are you sure you can’t tell me where you’re going?”
“You know I can’t, Soph. Not until it’s safe.” I winced at the lie as soon as it left my lips, knowing it would never be safe, not for me at least. Moving here, I’d hoped his grip would loosen in the midst of this large city, that he would find someone else. But no, his claws only dug deeper into my flesh, his fear ratcheting up in the expanse of the concrete jungle, worried I might slip off without him … which had been my plan all along. It had been six years since we came to the city, since I began planning my escape. But this was my last straw.
I’d always walked on eggshells to avoid him following through on his threats and someone innocent suffering because of his wrath. But when he’d raised his hand to strike me, I knew I had to go, because if he was willing to go that far, I knew there’d be a next time, and he wouldn’t hesitate again. I couldn’t let that happen, and I couldn’t risk him killing the next guy who unknowingly got too close… I had to do this now. I was barely treading water as it was. Another moment longer and I’d sink into the dark depths of the wide-open sea, swallowed whole by this life, by him.
“You promise to let me know as soon as I can see you?” Her question came out more like a plea, as though she could sense the lie behind my words but didn’t want to admit it for my sake. Because after last week—No,I couldn’t let my mind wander there, otherwise, tears would flood my eyes and desperate sobs would rack my chest. Even now, my breaths came in quick, shallow pants after I’d finally calmed them, the beginning signs of hyperventilation setting in.
“I promise,” I said, the lie tasting foul on my tongue as bile rose in my throat. But I swallowed it, needing to pull on the mask one last time to force those emotions down that threatened to bubble up. One last lie and then I’d befree.
The word sounded foreign even in the recesses of my mind. It was something I’d dreamed of for years, my entire life really, but never truly let myself believe would happen. I’d pretended and clung to the idea without having to truly commit, to have to risk losing that tiny sliver of hope that shimmered in the distance any time I closed my eyes.
“You better,” she warned, sighing a breath of exasperation. I could almost see her lying back on her couch, her arm poised over her eyes, manifesting her strength to deal with the situation like she’d done so many times before. “I could always ask my dad—”
“No,” I cut her off before she could finish her sentence. Sophia’s estranged father was the senator of New York, which was one of the only reasons myfiancéhadn’t threatened her as leverage against me. But I couldn’t let her put herself or her family at risk, because while it made him wary, I was sure that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill either of them if they interfered.
“We’re pulling up,” the cab driver shouted, slamming open the plastic divider and grumbling something under his breath about cell phones. I huffed out a breath of relief, some of the tension in my chest easing at the excuse to end the conversation. I couldn’t put her in any more danger than she already was.
“I have to go, Soph. Lie low for the next few weeks,” I pleaded, cupping the phone close to my lips so the driver couldn’t hear.
“Don’t worry about me. You run through that airport and get on that plane safely.” Her pacing picked up again, betraying her nerves. I wished I could do the same right now. My knee bounced, with my foot tapping an anxious rhythm on the cab floor once more.Soon, I told myself as the car pulled up at the departures terminal.
“I will. Love you, girl,” I said one last time, pulling my bag into my lap. Another thing that had annoyed the driver as he’d insisted I put them in the trunk. No way was I wasting time to pull my bag from the trunk while he groaned about it weighing a ton just to get a bigger tip. I was already going to give him a hefty sum in the hopes that it would buy his silence long enough for me to board my flight.
“Love you too, babe. Have a safe flight,” she said with a hitch in her voice. My throat bobbed as I disconnected the call, in an attempt to keep the tears that pricked at my eyes from falling. I stuffed the phone in my bag, grateful for the distraction as the driver pulled to a stop.