“Say the word, and we can forget this ever happened. I’ll pretend that I never thought about loving you.” Ethan searched for the seam of the horizon. “I’ll look at you less, and without so much longing.” He took a deep breath. Giving speeches was part of his job, but no amount of reading Torah had prepared him for this.
“I won’t forget that we kissed. Sorry”—Ethan tried to grin a little—“but you have to cut me some slack on that one. Because, I mean, come on, you’re you.”
She nodded, not guilty at all.
“But I promise not to think about it too much. I’ll save it for those really dark moments, when I look at everything wrong with the world and I feel helpless. When every good thing I’ve ever done, ever seen or heard about, pales against the garish human capacity for hate and corruption.”
He bent forward quickly and kissed her cheek, lingering more than he should but less than he wanted to before pulling back.
“I’ll think about it then, if it’s okay,” he said gently, “just for a few seconds, so I can remember what it was like to feel transcendent.”
Naomi blinked at him for what felt like a lifetime.
“Don’t you want to marry Amelia and make Jewish babies?”
“What?” He stepped back. “Man, that speech was worse than I thought if somehow that was your takeaway.”
She ran her thumb across his knuckles. “She was at that game for you. Perfect on paper. The woman I would have picked for you, if you’d let me.”
“Naomi, look—yes, I do want to get married someday, and the Jewish babies, if I’m lucky, that would be nice, but the only reason I asked you to find me someone was because I assumed you’d never have me, and I didn’t know how to get over it.”
She stuck her tongue into her cheek and shook her head. “You’re not exactly deescalating the intensity of this situation, you know.”
“I’m not trying to.” Ethan reached for her other hand, relieved when she let him have it.
“So you, what... want to date?” The wild emerald of her eyes matched the shifting waves.
“I want to date you, specifically.” He began to brighten. Not taking it for granted that she was still here, still talking. “Look, I should have been honest with you before. Somewhere between watching you punch a guy in the teeth and watching you lay a perfect bunt, I realized you’re ruining me for anyone else.”
She searched the empty beach like it might have answers. “And you don’t think us dating might be... I don’t know, career suicide?”
Ethan winced. The board might not love it, but they’d come around eventually. Naomi had a powerful orbit. Sooner or later, she pulled everything in.
“I’m allowed to date,” he said firmly.
“Yeah...” She kicked at the sand a little. “Nice girls.”
He bent his knees to catch her eye. “You’re nice.”
She tilted her head and lowered her brows. “I’m not, and I’ve never wanted to be. Ethan, I need you to really think about this. I’ve never been ashamed that half the population of greater Los Angeles has seen my tits, and I’m never going to apologize for the fact that no matter how much time passes, how many suits I buy, I’ll always have been a sex worker.”
“I don’t have a problem with any of your work, past or present,” he assured her.
“I know that.” She sighed. “But you’re really taking it for granted that other people think the same way you do.”
“You’re right.” The hope that had been building up in his body all night started to fade. He ran his hands over his face. “I understand what you’re asking me and why. I just hate that you had to.”
“Look,” she said, “I’m not a stranger to being ostracized. As long as you understand the consequences of pairing up with me, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life.”
There was still so much fight in her. So much resistance to the idea.
“I understand your reservations,” he promised. “As much as I wish it weren’t the case, I know there will be people, probably people in both of our lives, who won’t want us to be together. But I’m a Jew, I’ve experienced discrimination before. It didn’t change what I believed then and it’s not going to change what I believe now.”
“Let’s say I agree. We do this. We date. How does that work exactly?”
Ethan couldn’t tell if she was warming to the idea. If it was something she wanted, or if she was just taking the scenic route to talking him out of it.
“What do you mean?”