Me: Patrick, or anyone else in my family, doesn’t hear about this, FYI.
I’m not sure if she has his number or not, but just in case, I need to cover myself. What’s Olivia going to say about this? How did I manage that within weeks of school starting? How I should get my act together? She takes forever to respond, it seems, but when she does, I’m surprised by her text.
Olivia: :( It’s okay. They’ll be waiting for you next semester.
My shoulders and arms relax, making me realize I was tense as I waited. She’s right. Yeah, I’m behind and missing out on classes, but school isn’t going anywhere. It’s a small candle lit with a touch of positivity for the darkness I’m surrounded by.
Me: True. Why can’t you sleep?
Olivia: My mind won’t stop thinking long enough. Did you ever call Patrick?
Me: I’ve been told I’m not a great listener, but I could give it a try. & yes.
Luce and Patrick complain all the time that Jonathan and I are terrible at listening to what they’re saying. Something about selective hea
ring, I think. The only reason I offer is because Olivia has for me. It would be the nice thing to return the favor.
Olivia: Maybe another time. I’m going to try and sleep now. Night, Corey.
Can’t say I blame her for not wanting to share. Maybe it’s easier for some people to share their problems, secrets, and fears, but not me. Never has been. It was even more difficult after my parents died. And now, I don’t talk about those things at all. Maybe Olivia’s like me and has a hard time doing it too.
QUESTIONS BURN MY thoughts first thing in the morning as I stare at my ceiling. I think about getting up, but the task wears me out before I even make an attempt. I wonder if everything underneath my skin was replaced by cement while I slept. I wonder what I’m going to do with all my free time. Adjusting to having an abundance of it after my injury obviously didn’t go well. What am I supposed to do now? I only work a couple nights a week. I guess I could get a second job.
Ugh.
More bubbly people to deal with.
It would keep me busy, though. Maybe busy is what I need. Doubt it, but who knows. My goal right now is to make my siblings think I’m back to normal. Normal sucked for me too, but they didn’t know that. I don’t want them worrying about me when I’m supposed to do all the worrying for them, just like I have since our parents died.
Missing a semester of school shouldn’t be too bad. No more classes I don’t want to take, even though it’ll be waiting for me in the fall. My stomach grumbles, interrupting my thoughts. Huffing, I manage to get out of bed, despite the weight in my chest. The kitchen is pretty scarce, so looks like a grocery run is in order. Great. That’s exactly what I want to do first thing on a Friday.
After getting ready, I open my door to leave as Olivia’s door opens. She smiles when she sees me. The girl smiles a lot. I smile in return for her. Her bangs are clipped back and she’s sporting jeans and a hoodie.
“Good morning, Corey.”
“Morning,” I reply as we lock our respective doors.
“Out for breakfast?” she asks as we walk towards the stairs.
“Close. Was going to the grocery store, but I am starving.”
“Want to grab something to eat with me then?” When I don’t answer right away, she laughs softly at me and adds, “Who knows, it could be fun. What do you have to lose?”
Possibly everything.
I’m not sure why I think that, but when it comes to Olivia, I’ve found myself more uncertain than anything else. Uncertainty isn’t something I particularly want in my life. However, I’m already so lost, so disoriented that I don’t know which way is which. What could it hurt?
I agree to go out with her.
I DON’T CONSIDER myself a reckless person at all. Only a handful of things scare me. Olivia’s driving is crazy, reckless, and scares me the hell out of me. I lose count of how many times my arms fly out to the dashboard, like I can prevent us from crashing. She hits the brakes at the last minute, coming within inches of the car in front of us at a stoplight, and travels too close at all times. Her turns are sharp and she speeds like a demon running from hell. We could die at any moment. I need to find a way to drive us back home, so we can get there alive. Someone needs to think of our safety. When she puts her car in park, I take a deep sigh of relief. Olivia laughs.
“Maybe I should have warned you about my driving.”
“You think?”
“I’ve never been in a wreck or had any close calls, so you were safe.”
I meet her around the front of the car. “Our definition of close calls must be different, because you had five on the way here.”