HUNTER
IlistenedtoCosmo’s soft sighs as he slept, snuggled up against my chest, naked, even though we hadn’t had sex tonight. It didn’t matter to him anymore. He crawled into bed with me, seeking the comfort of my skin against his. Usually, I would be so at ease with his slender weight on me I fell asleep almost immediately, but for the past two nights, I’d struggled, wrestling with old and fresh guilt.
Cosmo and I were naked in the cabin I never thought I would ever revisit since Petra’s death. When we got married, we’d wanted to save our money to start a family, so we hadn’t gone on that honeymoon to Hawaii like we’d initially planned. Instead, we’d stayed at her parents’ cabin here in Rushfort, which had been perfect. With nothing much to do, we’d spent the time skinny dipping in the lake and fucking every chance we got.
It felt dishonorable to be lying with Cosmo in the same bed Petra and I had sex in. We’d kissed and touched, but I hadn’t been able to make love to him since we arrived at the cabin. Everything here reminded me of Petra and how I’d made a mess of the investigation. Now I was living with someone who indirectly had something to do with her death.
How could I not feel guilty? For the past five years, catching her killer motivated me, but since Cosmo and I’d become a couple, I’d hardly thought about her. She was just a blip at the back of my mind, pushed there by Cosmo’s presence. He consumed all my thoughts, and not even my son’s rejection mattered as long as I was with Cosmo.
Cosmo shifted against me, his lips curving into a small smile. At least one of us could sleep despite everything that was going wrong. Someone was after him, just as we’d suspected, and the last time I spoke with Knight, the identity of the man Ellis had shot had revealed no link to any of the men on Virgil’s list.
I rubbed a hand down Cosmo’s back and pulled the sheet up to cover him. I’d come so close to losing him. Luckily, it was Agent Ellis who’d been hit and not him. Losing Petra had been tough, but losing Cosmo as well would be cutting off the roots of my life. Without him, I would wither up and die.
Guilt gnawed at me. That I cared more intensely about Cosmo than I ever did Petra, even though I’d loved her. Her death had been hard, but just the thought of Cosmo’s brush with the world of the nonliving wrecked me. I never wanted to leave his side.
I kissed his nose, carefully lifted his head from my shoulder, and placed it on the pillow. When he didn’t stir, I slipped out of bed and pulled my robe on. I let my eyes adjust to the low light of the lantern in the hall, then made my way to the kitchen and stepped outside.
The night air was cool and refreshing. Sitting on the small porch had been one of my favorite things to do with Petra. The sunset over the lake was gorgeous, and with the cabin miles away from the civilized world, it was a secluded paradise.
I sat on the porch bench and tried to empty my mind by focusing on the stillness around me, but it didn’t quite work. How could this thing between Cosmo and me end any other way than badly? So far, Knight had kept our secret, but if anyone else found out, my professional conduct would come into question. There was no way my career would survive.
More guilt poured salt into the wound. Nothing Petra had said had pushed me to give up my job. I’d known Cosmo for less than a month, and I was already willing to give it all up for him? Shit. I rubbed a hand over my chest. I’d known Cosmo less than a month. How had he become so important to me in such a short time?
The creaking of the front door jolted me from my musings. Cosmo walked out onto the porch, wearing one of my shirts. It hung down to his skinny knees in a pool of dark blue fabric. He always stole my clothes, but I didn’t mind. I liked seeing him in them, even when they hung off his frame. My boyfriend looked cute and adorable.
Boyfriend.
Who would have thought? Was I this obsessed with him because he was the first guy I’d hooked up with?Maybe it would be less intense if I explored my attraction to men. Knight was up for the taking. Barney had even offered. But as Cosmo stepped toward me, my heart revolted at the traitorous thought of another man in my bed.
“Daddy, what are you doing out here all by yourself?” He scrambled up into my lap, and I didn’t stop him.
“Just needed some fresh air.”
“Hmm.” He laid his head on my chest and yawned.
“You should go back in.”
“Not without you. If you can’t sleep, I’ll gladly stay up with you.”
“You’re sweet. But I don’t mind the quiet, and you’re sleepy.”
“I can sleep right here on you.”
He fell silent, his breathing even and relaxed. I kissed the top of his head, love for him filling me so much that it threatened to overflow. Could you love someone too much?
“What are you thinking about?”
Cosmo’s soft voice startled me. I’d thought he’d fallen asleep. He’d been quiet for so long.
“Keeping you safe,” I replied. “How much I love you and wondering if life would be worth living still should anything happen to you.”
He brushed a kiss on my neck. “You love me that much?”
“I love you that more. I’ve been in love before, but this is different. We’re different.”
“How? What was your relationship like with your wife?”
“Good,” I said. “We were great together, very compatible, similar goals except for one.”