HUNTER
Icouldn’tseeCosmo anymore, the hole where I’d thrown him covered with dirt. He hadn’t fought like I thought he would. Just lay there, accepting his fate. Of being buried alive by the man who supposedly loved him. The man who had vowed to protect him no matter what.
Oh my god, what have I done?
A hoarse cry tore from my lips, and panic settled in my bones. What have I done? I could no more kill him than I could cut my heart out. It didn’t matter what atrocity he had committed. I’d sworn to protect him.
I grabbed the shovel and made shallow digs in the freshly piled-up earth. I could have gone much faster, but I couldn’t dig too deep and risk hitting him with the shovel. Every second that passed was crucial. How much air did he still have? How long before he suffocated and died?
I dropped the shovel and dug with my hands as quickly as I could, my heart pounding down the seconds. I knew how long it took for someone to be brain-dead. If anything happened to him because of me…
My fingers stung, and my nails split, but I ignored the pain, scooping dirt out of the way until I touched his shoulder.
“Cosmo!” I moved higher to clear his face. I could work on the rest of him after. “Cosmo, please, baby, be all right.” I brushed the dirt from his head and cleared the area around his nose. “Cosmo, please open your eyes for me. Open your eyes for me, baby.”
I yanked the tape from his mouth. “I need to get you out.”
His face contorted. Then he took a gasping breath and another and another. “That’s it, baby. Breathe. You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”
With his head clear, I worked on the rest of his body and dug him out with my bare hands. When he was completely free, I lifted him out of the grave and wiped the dirt from his skin. He’d wet himself while under the soil, the urine acrid in my nostril. I dropped on my ass next to him and pulled him into my arms, kissing his dirty hair.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He turned his head and buried his face into my shirt, sobs racking his body.
“Oh god, baby, we’re a fucking mess. We’re such a fucking mess.”
He shook his head. “You shouldn’t have saved me,” he croaked. “You should have walked away, Hunter.”
“I can’t. How can I? I love you. I love you so fucking much.”
“But how? I’ve done nothing but hurt you. I ruined your life.”
“I don’t care anymore. You’re here. I’m here. We’re going to get past this. Okay?” I held his dirty face between my hands and pressed my lips to his. “Thank god you’re okay. I couldn’t have lived with myself had I hurt you.”
I located the knife and cut through the tape that bound his wrists behind him still. He gasped and scrunched up his face. I reached for his hands and rubbed them together. “It’ll feel better in a moment. I promise.” I cut the tape free from his legs, and he threw himself at me, clinging to me.
“You really love me?”
“I do. More than you can ever imagine.”
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Yes, yes, I still am. I might be for a long time, but no other emotion surpasses the love I feel for you.”
I swung him up in my arms and carried him over to the car. I’d taken my wife’s car instead of my SUV so I could lock him in the trunk and not alert the FBI agents on watch outside that I had anything devious planned. As far as they knew, I’d gone out for a drive, and Cosmo was still asleep upstairs. What the hell had I been thinking? How would I have explained his disappearance?
I set him in the back seat of the car. “Stay there for me, okay, baby? I’ll be right back.”
But first I had to cover up the hole and hope like hell the FBI was finished with the place and wouldn’t notice the freshly dug-up earth. That was a problem for tomorrow. I packed the earth back into the ground, feeling more and more horrified at my action. I’d just been so blinded by rage at his distrust and hurt that he’d once more kept secrets from me.
When I was done, I gazed down at Petra’s resting place. How could I explain this mess to Nate? Of who Cosmo was? My chest tightened. If I chose Cosmo, I wasrejecting my son.
I waited for the guilt and sense of betrayal to overcome me for the promise I’d made to Petra all these years, which would always go unfulfilled now. I’d vowed to bring her killer to justice, to make him do penance. Instead, I was going to love him and protect him until my dying breath. Still, I felt nothing but unconditional love for the boy who’d stolen my heart.
I knew better than to think he would ever give it back.
When I got into the car, Cosmo was curled up in the back seat, fast asleep. I’d put him through hell tonight. Was this the last of it, or would there be more? I put the car in gear and drove us home, glancing in the rearview mirror every so often just to remind myself that he was all right. I hadn’t done any permanent damage. We’d get through this. We had to.