1
Julie
Ilie on my belly on the floor, the light of my cell phone sweeping across the carpet under the bed. My heart is beating fast, as fear grabs hold of me and digs its claws in. In the daylight, I’m brave enough to peer into the shadows.
This morning I’m also desperate.
“Where’s my necklace?” I ask Bret for the third time.
My boyfriend mutters something that sounds a lot like shut up, before rolling over to go back to sleep.
I sit up and rest my elbows on the mattress. It sags beneath the light pressure. I want to move somewhere better, but I’m still studying, and he can’t hold a job because he refuses to work weekends or evenings or anything that requires him to do more than sit around.
Last month he sold the kitchen stools, so he could get high with his friends while I was at work, and now we have to stand at the counter, or sit on the sofa to eat.
When I asked where the stools had gone, he’d claimed he didn’t know, then told me I was overreacting about a couple of stools. Maybe I was, but I had bought them new. The first pieces of furniture I had ever bought that were my own. Eventually, he told me he was getting help and that it wouldn’t happen again.
And I believed him.
Again.
I want to trust him, but I shouldn’t. When we first met, he was also at college and had plans…now…I don’t even know what he wants besides me to finish studying so I can find a good job.
One more semester and I’ll be done with school.
And then what? My future unfurls before me. A life of supporting him, of trying to keep him happy so he doesn’t yell at me. When do I get to be happy?
I’m not sure when this relationship turned. There was no one moment, but when I add everything together, I know I don’t want this. But I don’t want to be alone either, and with my scars and fears, no one else would put up with me.
I stare at him. “I went to bed with my necklace on.”
“Maybe you took it off in the shower.”
“I don’t do that.” Not ever. That necklace is my protection and I never take it off. “Have you sold it?”
He’d always admired it and wanted to know if it was a tooth from a shark or an alligator. I never told him it was a monster claw, and I doubt he’d believe me even if I did.
“Can you stop being so mental about a stupid necklace?” He throws a pillow at me, and it hits me in the face before I can duck.
I stand up and throw it back at him. “I need it. It was my grandmother’s.”
“It’s fucking gone, you silly bitch. I cut it off your neck while you were sleeping, now give it a rest.”
“What do you mean, gone?” The panic that swirled through my blood drops dead as my heart seems to stop. The room is silent and for a second, I think I might faint. Then my heart beats hard and my blood whooshes through my veins so loud I almost can’t hear myself speaking. The words tumble out of my mouth. “Who did you sell it to? I’ll buy it back.”
I don’t know how I’ll buy it back, as I don’t have that much saved up. And I don’t want to speak to any of Bret’s dealers or friends. But I must buy it back. It wasn’t just my grandmother’s; itismy grandmother.
If I was to say my grandmother had grown a monstrous foot after saving me, no one would believe me. Or worse, they’d assume I had lost my mind. Sometimes I think that might be easier. I mean, if I had lost my mind, monsters wouldn’t be real. And I wouldn’t now be in danger of being taken because the necklace that protects me is gone.
Sold.
“Can’t buy it back. I owed a dangerous man some money, and he accepted your stupid necklace instead of cutting off my hand. I think I got the best end of that deal.” He grins like I’m supposed to agree.
I stare him, not quite believing that he actually stole my necklace while I slept and sold it. “You gave it to a drug dealer, didn’t you?”
I’d met him once. Did he recognize what it was and the protection it offered?
“I had to, babe.” He reaches his hand across the bed as though he expects me to fall into his arms like I have every other time.