I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. I should be afraid but being here has changed everything I thought I knew about myself and Under.
And monsters.
It doesn’t take much for me to come apart. I gasp as I come. Tail thrusts twice more and stills as he comes in my ass. His grip on my throat loosens and I drop to my hands, exhausted.
I take a couple of deep breaths, then lift my head to look at Horn. “Are you okay?”
And for the first time since he pulled me from that puddle, he won’t meet my gaze.
12
Horn
Idon’t know what to say, or think, or even feel besides anger. The heat of it pumps through my blood and I want to smash Tail’s face in and give him four black eyes. But if I do, it will be like punching myself in the face, only more damaging.
I had accepted my fate, now I want something else. I stare at my two human fingers and know that there is another option. Prey has shown me that, and I want to hate her for it.
No, it’s Julie, not Prey.
And I know her from before. From the life I have forgotten.
I’m furious at her for coming here and making me remember, even though she was dragged here the same as me. She had no choice in that.
Everything else she has chosen, and that includes offering herself in exchange for protection. My stomach turns as Tail slithers off, looking far too pleased with himself, while she kneels on the floor looking wrecked.
I’m torn. On one hand, she deserves better, on the other, she is the reason I’m here. I’m sure of it. I close my eye, unable to look at her as the memory unfolds again.
She was younger. I think we were both still at school. I’d been watching her for months. As much as I wanted to ask her out, I hadn’t because I didn’t have time. I only ever had time for school. Even fitting in my homework was hard, though I’m not sure why now, only that there were people who needed me, and I let them down.
I decided I needed a night off and went to the biggest party of the year, because she’d be there, and I wanted to do more than have regrets. The school year was almost over, and she was going to leave town and go places while I’d be stuck.
I never asked her out. I don’t think I even spoke to her. But she saw me at the party because she smiled and walked toward me before one of her many friends dragged her away.
“Horn?” She inches closer like she cares.
I should ask if she’s alright. What I did…what we did… I am a monster.
This time it’s my clawed fingers I stare at, to remind myself of what I am. What I need to be to survive. The first time I enjoyed fucking her, but it was nothing more than a rough claiming. The second time I wanted her, and she wanted me, and something about that caused the first change.
Now I am cursed with a painful memory of a time when we could have done more than smile, and the knowledge that the people who needed me were left alone because I was dragged here.
I’m so fucking selfish and useless. I deserve to be here.
She touches my leg. A leg that doesn’t match the memory I have of myself. If I look in a puddle, my face won’t be the one that is now lodged like a splinter in my mind.
I shake my head, unable to deal with her kindness, as I don’t deserve it.
“Go and clean up.” My words come out harsher than I intended. Maybe it is this body. It is hard to be kind when I have been turned into something designed to survive this rough place.
She backs away, like I threatened her.
“You brought me here because you couldn’t protect me on your own.” There is a shake to her voice, like she is struggling to remain calm.
I want her to give in and rage at me. Change, so I no longer need to take care of her. I will regardless, the same way I helped Tail. I don’t want her to suffer but she will, no matter what I do.
Pain is all Under has to offer.
All I have to offer.