I shiver. What if someone comes through while I’m washing?
I’d have to help them. Then I realize what I’d be asking of Horn and Tail and of the person I’d dragged free, and it all becomes too much, bringing another round of tears.
I don’t know how longIcan keep doing this. Or how long I want to keep doing this.
Do I need to give myself a limit? A stopping point?
For how long do I ask everything of Horn and Tail? Or will they abandon me first, like everyone else I’ve ever known?
While my body aches in places that are new, what I am giving them is nothing compared to their sacrifice. A sacrifice that Horn was willing and eager to make as the outcome is the same, no matter the reason he is fighting.
Or is it?
I remember his clawless fingers. Does fighting for something matter? Or is it simply his will and belief that alters the way he changes?
I rub my temples, not sure if the growing headache is from trying to unravel the knots that hold Under together, exhaustion, or that I’m about to grow horns. I run my fingers all over my head and find no odd bumps that might suggest a change.
The longer I spend here, the less terrifying changing becomes because it would make things easier. How many others who have been dragged here were determined to hold on to their humanity only to fail?
Like everyone who's been dragged here, the monsters were able to grab hold of me for a reason. They saw something in me they thought could grow and blossom here. Inside of me is a part that is already monstrous. What does it look like? What caused Tail to become part snake and part four-eyed cat?
And Horn to be weighed down with his crown of heavy horns?
Like my grandmother, I want to learn the answers. Like her, I’m willing to use myself to find the answers. Has she been told that I’m missing?
She’ll figure out where I am straight away. Will she mourn me the way she mourned her daughter? She never wanted to raise me but had no choice. Raising me hindered her quest to find her daughter—not that she said it outright.
Maybe returning with information will make up for the years she lost, if not the daughter she lost. The mother I lost.
I ease deeper into the water and find that it only rises to beneath my breasts. It’s not deep at all, and the heat is welcome. I let it sink into my bones as I close my eyes and rest back on my elbows. When some of the tension has melted, I unravel what is left of my bun so my hair can be rinsed clean.
My foot bounces off a rock or a bone and I draw in a steadying breath. Bones can’t hurt me. While this cavern is lit, I still need to make it back through the dark tunnel to the main cave, back to Tail and Horn. Where I guess we make a plan because while hiding in a cave is safe, or at least safe-ish, it will not get me home.
Someone knows how to leave, and I will find them.
I float for a little bit, letting everything that has happened unfurl in my mind. I try not to hold on to the terror of being dragged here, the struggle to surface only to be dragged under again. The relief of Horn hauling me out and my desperate bargain.
A smile curves my lips. I wouldn’t change that because, as wrong as it is, I enjoyed it far too much. I have never felt so wanted and no one has ever been so desperate to be with me.
No one thinks I’m weird for worrying about monsters here.
I open my eyes and stare up at the dim light pushing through the crack in the rock. I thought Horn had dragged me through, but he said he doesn’t possess the power.
I sit up, my butt bouncing off the shallow bottom. So who does?
How did they pull me through only for me to end up in a puddle near Horn?
Something moves in the shadows, and I turn before freezing in place. Around me the water sloshes against my skin, giving away my presence. I will it to be quiet, but it doesn’t obey. Can the creature see in the dark? Is the cavern lit enough that I am revealed?
My clothes aren’t far away, but they are wet, and I won’t be able to pull them on and run, assuming I can outrun whatever is in here with me. Without clothes, I am vulnerable. Do I stay where I am, or get out and hope that it’s nothing more than an animal that only eats weeds, not people?
I turn, trying to locate the soft movements of the other thing, but they echo off the walls and I have no idea where it is, or which direction I entered.
My breathing quickens and I turn again, this time not trying to be quiet and sneaky as I’m sure it already knows I am here. I need to find the tunnel entrance. How could I have been so stupid as to lose it?
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Tails voice slithers round the cavern.
Everything here scares me. “Then you should say something instead of creeping around.”