“I never said I hadn’t been. There was a time when Horn and I decided to creep as close as we could because we wanted to learn more, and we thought we were pretty tough. That expedition cost me my legs.” For some reason—I’m going to blame Julie—that memory is crystal clear today. The pain that ripped through my spine, the withering and absorption of my legs and the learning how to slither, part crawl, part slide. These days I can move with my torso upright. Back then getting home had been so bad Horn had carried me some of the way.
“I’m sorry.”
I almost believe her. For a moment I consider asking for payment for each answer, but now I’ve started, I want to talk about it. Horn doesn’t like to talk about anything.
“Don’t be. I have accepted the many changes.” Some of them I welcomed because they made me stronger and faster. What changes will Julie go through if she gives in? Will she grow another four limbs and become insect like? Fur? Scales? From what I’ve seen, claws are the first thing which makes sense. “Closer to the center, no one looks human anymore. I’m not sure they even remember what that means. Eventually the current queen will be dethroned and someone else will take over. That is the way it is. The biggest and baddest rules.”
“Why does she, or whoever rules, pull people through?”
“I don’t know, maybe because their subjects are hungry and it’s the only way to feed them…” I stop when I notice the look on her face that’s somewhere between disgust and horror. “Or maybe they like inflicting terror. Did you scream and struggle when you were grabbed?”
She nods. “Maybe if I hadn’t—”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. Once you’ve been grabbed there is only one place you’re going. Why were you grabbed?” The reason I was grabbed is obvious. I killed my father and believed I was a monster.
“I…” she glances away, and I know she’s hiding something.
“What? Tell me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me everything.” I grab her upper arms and pull her close.
“Put her down, Tail.”
Horn uses my new name. As much as I enjoy having a name, I’m not sure I like that one. I glare at him and lower Julie enough that her feet are on the ground.
“I was asking her to tell me why she was grabbed.”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because she wants to go to the center.” I give him a grim smile and enjoy the ripple of fear that crosses his face. We are both different to how we were then, but I can guess Horn is thinking of his other eye. I don’t want to lose my hands, so I can understand how he feels.
“No, absolutely not,” Horn growls. “The agreement was to keep you safe.”
“And help me get home. Since I can’t leave via a puddle, perhaps there is a way from the center.” She looks at me as she speaks, as though she thinks I’ll be the one to give in and agree to her wild idea that has no grounding in any kind of reason.
She’s not exactly wrong with that assumption. Hiding in here won’t change anything. We are only delaying the inevitable, which is either death, not that I’m in a rush to die, or further changes. I didn’t realize I wanted a different life until Horn brought her to me.
That doesn’t mean that I want to rush off to the center with only a prayer that we’ll make it. Prayers do fuck all here. We need a plan.
“If I can get home, then maybe you can too,” she says, ruining the moment.
I release her like I can’t stand to touch her, but in the same breath, I want to hold her again. It’s like she has woken up some dormant human part of me and I don’t know what to do with it. “You think this will change the moment I return home?”
I can already hear the screams as people see me like this. They wouldn’t understand.
She bites her lip again, like she is keeping something from us.
“You need to tell us what you know.” My tail rattles with annoyance.
“And how you know it. You had named this place before you were even brought here.” Horn crosses his thick arms over his chest.
I hadn’t noticed them before, but now I do. Whatever Julie is doing to me, it’s not only external changes.
“I know about Under because when I was a toddler, my mother was taken.” She lifts her arm. “The scars on my arm and leg are from that night. From the monster that grabbed her and tried to grab me.”
Horn shakes his head. “I’ve never seen a child here.”
“Not one that young anyway,” I counter. I have seen plenty of teens.
“I’m telling you what I know.” Julie sighs. “My Gran fought the beast to save us. She got me but couldn’t save my mother. After a time, she noticed changes. Her foot grew claws and her fingers on one hand withered, as though fighting the monster had somehow infected her. When I was ten, she cut off a claw and gave it to me to wear around my neck as a kind of amulet. As long as I wore it, I wouldn’t be taken. I grew up knowing about monsters. I’ve had nightmares my whole life. My grandmother has spent the last twenty years searching for answers.”