He lets go before I have to make that decision.
“You were always surrounded by friends. Had dated a few of the guys at school, and you smiled at me when we passed, but I was never able to go to any of the parties. I could never ask you out or invite you over because my family was broke, and they needed me to work or take care of my father when I wasn’t at work or school. But I lied that night. I said I was going to work because I knew you were going to be at the party. With school almost over, I had to take the chance.”
His words hit me hard. I remember that party. It was the one where the guy I liked went missing. I’d wanted him to ask me out all year, but he hadn’t. My friends told me he never dated, and he never went out and that his family was weird. I only learned why after he was taken. “Michael?”
He stares at me like he doesn’t remember his name.
“Michael…that’s who you are.” I’m sure of it. I should have recognized his eyes.
“Am I? If I was, I’m not anymore. I ditched my family, hoping to have a chance with you, even if it was only a summer fling. I wanted more than looking after my father and siblings and look where my selfishness got me.”
My heart aches for him, but I am not the reason he is here. “You went to grab a drink and disappeared. I followed you into the kitchen, but there was no one in there. I thought you must have changed your mind. The next day the cops wanted to know all about the party, the underage drinking and who’d seen you last.”
“Why would you follow me into the kitchen?”
“Because it was the first time I’d seen you at a party and I wanted to steal a kiss and get your number and when I was with my friends, it was like you didn’t want to come near me.” And I didn’t like being away from my friends because without them I felt like I was back to being pathetic Julie, always jumping at shadows, the one with no parents. Whose mother ran away instead of wanting to be with her kid. I believed that lie for years before learning the truth.
Now he has no lips to kiss, only the elongated muzzle of a goat.
“As lovely as this reunion is,” Tail says. “That you two never got your acts together and dated isn’t helping us now.”
“It is.” I don’t know how yet. “I wanted you back then, but my friends, they discouraged me from even asking, and I was too scared of rejection, until that party when you were there. Even then, they told me not to bother.” The cute boy that I remember from my last year of school no longer exists, not on the outside anyway. “I don’t know why you got taken.”
“Because I was at the party, when I should’ve been at home or work.”
I touch his crown of horns. “And you carry the weight of all that responsibility.”
“I don’t think you were selfish,” Tail adds. “You were a kid. You’re allowed to go to parties and have fun.”
“Well, that’s not what happened. So you are wrong,” Horn growls. “I don’t get to have fun.”
“Michael—” I try.
“Don’t call me that. That’s not who I am.”
“You care about your family. You helped Tail when he arrived here, and then me. You are a kind person.”
“And look where it got me.” He touches his cheek below his missing eye. “How much of myself do I need to give up?”
I don’t have an answer.
“I’m going to bed. We’ll leave in the morning.” He walks away, shoulders hunched like he is carrying too much weight. “At least if I’m dead, I’ll be free of this place and the memories that you’ve given me.”
There is no softening the blows of his words. I don’t go after him. I don’t know what to do, but I feel the loss. I thought there’d been a connection between us, more than the bargain. Michael was the one guy in high school that I’d wanted to ask me out. There’d been something about him. His art, the way he gave me one of his rare smiles.
“Am I asking too much?” I whisper more to myself than to anyone.
Yet Tail answers. “No, some changes are harder to deal with. You made him remember the guilt and shame, and now he carries that burden.”
16
Julie/Prey
Icurl up, resting my head on Tail’s tail and letting him protect me. The cave floor is hard and every time I move, I’m sure it gives me another bruise. When I sleep, I dream of that party. Each time I follow Horn to the kitchen and I’m always too late to save him. I can’t warn him because the music is too loud. No matter what I do, he is gone.
It’s not my fault he was taken but when I wake, there is a sadness that I can’t seem to shift. What would have happened if he hadn’t been taken? Would we have dated over the summer before I left for college? Or would I have listened to my friends as they reminded me I shouldn’t date boys like him.
Boys like him who cared about his family more than dating.