I don’t know if my thoughts are Under playing with my mind or my own doubts and fears. I must remember how to be human, even though I now have a set of claws and no voice.
As I write in the dirt, I force out a breath and let Talon be my voice.
“You said that you won’t be enough, that we will need help. We need to accept the help when offered.” Talon reads my words. His shadow is close enough to me that I imagine I can feel the heat from his body. His extremely long claws are too close to my face—I should be worried, but I’m not.
The rules are different in Under.
I am different. I write my next sentence even though I don’t know how it will work when he has no actual body.
“I am happy to include Talon in our deal,” he says for me. “When he can participate.”
Tail rattles and crosses his arms. “This won’t work.”
Michael sighs. “Julie is helping us, and we are helping her. If Talon will help, and wants to change, then who are we to stop him?”
“I don’t want to share,” Tail hisses.
I look up at him, knowing that I can’t force him, but not wanting to lose him either. He is smart and his caution will be much needed.
Can you give it time?I write.I need you.
I need you all.
Talon diligently reads my words.
We need each other if we have any chance.
“He hasn’t even told us how to escape, only that he knows. Why not tell us? He’s lying.” Tail’s frill is red, and his words are more of a hiss that usual. Is he trying to protect me or himself?
“I’m sorry I let you down and broke your trust by changing. I will fix it when I figure out how.” Talon reads my hastily scribbled line. I erase it with the palm of my hand as soon as he does so I can keep writing.
“It’s our thoughts that drive the changes, from what I have seen. Not because we want them, but because Under takes them and gives them form.” Talon pauses as if digesting my words and adds his own thought. “No wonder we forget so much.”
Michael nods. “That’s why my memory of meeting you was taken.”
“We need to hold this information close. We need to remind ourselves that Under will use our thoughts against us.” I believed Bret’s words and can only bark like a bitch.
“How does that even work?” Tail throws his hands up and does a lap around our group like he can’t stay still any longer. “What thought caused this?” He touches the frill that formed after the fight.
I run my claw through the sand, forming my answer, but it’s Michael who speaks before I am done. “You felt like you needed more protection.”
He said it better than I could.
“Oh.” Tail goes still.
Next to me, Talon sighs as though understanding what I think is going on. “So your human fingers were not because of the sex but because of something you thought, which you can’t remember?”
“What do we do now?” Michael asks, his brow is furrowed, and his blue eye watches me with concern.
I want to tell him not to worry, that I’ll figure this out and be fine, but I can’t. All I can do is smile. I don’t expect the one I receive in return and for a moment I am almost convinced that he cares about me, not only about escaping Under.
Tail stares at me, and Talon seems to be waiting for something. Are they expecting me to come up with a plan or an answer? When did they elect me as leader, when I know so little about this place? Or is it simply because I am the most human?
I sit and pull the purple robe around me, and my hand brushes the hard edge of the notebook. I pull it from my pocket and hold it up, wishing I had a pen or pencil. That I had a voice and could read it to Tail.
Talon can read.
“No, you can’t share that with him,” Tail says as though he knows what I was thinking. He goes to take the book out of my hand, but I pull away.