Do I trust her? Yes. I didn't realize how much until this moment, when she asked the question I never want to answer. But for her, I will.
I guide her to the sofa and sit down, then wait while she settles in beside me. "When we were growing up, Rick and I were very close and did everything together. We even went on double dates and attended the same university. We shared a room in the residence hall too. Rick and I were inseparable for most of our lives, but at university, things changed."
"In what way?"
"Richard took all the intellectual classes, literature and things like that. I focused on business and management." Am I slouching? Bollocks, I am. Pushing myself up straighter gives me a few seconds' reprieve. "Studying different fields meant we moved in different circles despite being twins and living together. It didn't happen overnight, but gradually, we sort of…moved apart."
Siobhan wriggles around until she's sideways to me with her feet tucked under her.
In that position, and dressed in casual clothes, she looks younger. I almost feel like a dirty old man who seduced a college girl. Siobhan is so…adorable.
And I find myself telling her everything.
"The only friends we had in common at university," I say, "were the Dixons and Bennett Montague. Rick got involved in extracurricular activities like the poetry club, while I spent my free time reading business magazines and chasing girls. None of that mattered, not really. We might be physically identical, but we aren't two halves of the same person."
"I understand that. You don't need to keep going on about it."
She doesn't sound irritated. Her voice and her expression are full of empathy. We hardly know each other, but she wants to understand me and…help me.
Well, I'd much rather have her "helping" me than the American Wives Club. I love those women, but I dread whatever they might be planning for me.
"Like I said, Rick and I had grown apart, somewhat," I tell Siobhan. "But the big change happened in our last year at university. That was when our father announced Richard would inherit the publishing company when he retired, and he was grooming my brother for that role. Rick wanted to do it. He's always loved Hunter Publishing, used to hang out there every summer to watch Dad at work. I tried to do that, but I got so bloody bored."
"Okay, your dad offered Richard the company, which you didn't want. Why did that make you drop out of school?"
"It didn't, not at first." I drop my head back against the sofa and stare at the ceiling. "But I started to wonder why my father hadn't asked if I wanted to work at his company. The idea never occurred to him. Why should it? I'm the son who cares more about having fun than running a business. Like I told you before, Dad chose the right son."
"But you own a business. A successful one, with employees and everything."
What else can I do but keep staring at the ceiling? I have no idea how to explain this to her in a way that won't sound moronic. Maybe I shouldn't worry about that. If she ends our…whatever this is because I'm a pathetic idiot, at least I won't need to worry anymore about whether she'll throw me over.
Yes, don't I have a positive attitude?
Siobhan rests her cheek on my shoulder. "You can tell me, Nick. I won't think any less of you, no matter what you say."
I let out a long sigh and tell her. "Rick already had an internship lined up for after graduation. This was in the first semester of our last year at university. I had applied for several internships, but just before Christmas, I found out I hadn't gotten any of them. I'd also gone to job fairs and thought I had good prospects for getting a job if the internships didn't work out. But I found out all those opportunities had fallen through too."
"That's why you quit school."
"No, that was part of the reason." I cover my face with my hands and groan. "I told you Rick and I had grown apart somewhat during our university days. He had no idea I was dating anyone, so he never knew the girl I was in love with had thrown me over for him. She met Rick when she joined the poetry club, and the faithless cow never mentioned to my brother—my identical twin brother—that she was having sex with me."
"Then what happened?"
"One night, he stayed out until morning. When he came back to our room, he was in the best mood I'd ever seen him in. Rick said he'd met a wonderful girl, and he'd spent the night with her. Couldn't stop grinning and saying her name."
"Did you tell him she'd been your girlfriend?"
"No, he never knew. How could I tell him? He never had as much luck with women as I did. Well, until he met Maddie."
Siobhan lifts her head to look at me. "I don't understand. Why would you quit school because a stupid girl dumped you?"
"That girl, Gina, told me Rick is much better in every way than I am. If she can have a man who looks like me but isn't me, and who's as good in bed as I am, then why should she bother with me? I'm not very clever, and all she wanted was my body."
"But—"
"I know, I know. Let me finish, all right?" I sit up straighter and force myself to look at Siobhan. "I realized then that I will never be as clever or as accomplished or as good at anything as my brother. That's all right. I'm proud of Rick. He deserves everything he's got. He worked hard for it, much harder than I ever have. I sort of fell into massage therapy. I would give massages to my friends when they got sore playing sports, and to my girlfriends too. Everyone told me I should do that for a living. So I did."
"Nick, you are not less accomplished or less intelligent than your brother." She slaps a hand over my mouth when I open it to speak. "Shush, I'm not done."