I’m well and truly fucked.
“I don’t know how to act around everyone here.”
“Just act normal,” I say, grabbing her bags and busying myself with pulling her clothes from them and hanging them up.
I cuss under my breath when my fingers brush against her undergarments, wondering just when I found basic cotton panties and bras so unbelievably fucking sexy. I leave those in the bag, ignoring them as best I can.
“I can do that.”
“I don’t mind,” I tell her.
“I don’t think my normal is what everyone else would consider normal.”
“What?” I turn to look at her over my shoulder, my fingers teasing the soft fabric of a graphic tee.
“You said to act normal around everyone.”
“Just act like yourself.”
“The self I want to be or the self the teachings told me I am?”
“Your true self.”
“And if I tell you I don’t know who that woman is?”
I drop the t-shirt to the floor of the closet. I guess we’re going to start those difficult conversations first thing this morning.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but we aren’t convincing anyone that we’re in love.”
“I didn’t figure we were.” Her fingers begin to tangle in her lap, nerves getting the better of her.
“We also aren’t convincing them that the baby is mine.”
Her eyes snap up to mine. “What?”
“The meeting I had last night confirmed it.”
Her pretty green eyes begin to well with tears.
“I don’t want you to freak out.”
She shakes her head as if telling me it’s too late. “They know? How do they know?”
“The dates are wrong. They know you were already pregnant when Legend and I went to California.”
“Dates are just—”
“Estimates, I know. But when I was asked directly, I couldn’t lie to them. They’re my family.”
“They’re your boss and co-workers,” she argues.
“My employment doesn’t matter. I trust these men with my life, and I’m not going to lie to them.”
“I know.”
“So what problem does it solve to go through with it other than my own hang-ups about having a baby out of wedlock? If I’m unable to convince people that you’re the father, then what’s the point.”
“Our marriage will guarantee stability for you and the child.” Am I actually arguing for this arrangement now? I’m trying to convince her that we should still go through with it. “If you need a dad for your baby, then I’ll happily be that guy. I’ve always wanted kids, so it just makes sense, I guess.”
“But don’t you want to have that experience with a woman you love?”
This questions makes me pause. The thought of loving any woman has always been a rare concept to me, a possibility that never really crossed my mind.