“Just keep working, Ashley. It’s all you can do. Just keep working.”
The salad was done. The cauliflower was finishing in the oven, and I glanced around, seeing the cake. I tested to see if it was cool enough. My hands shook a little, but I ignored them and began frosting the cake.
This was what I was still doing when Caleb entered the kitchen.
“Hey, Ashley.”
“Hey.”
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“Fine. You?”
“I’m great.”
“Good.”
Silence.
I was happy with the silence. He’d moved behind me. I heard the coffee pot being taken out of his holder, poured, and then pushed back in.
I ignored his presence. My attention was on the cake in front of me.
I could never get smooth sides. It sucked. I continued to do so though, using it as a way of not having to talk to Caleb.
I should have known my life wouldn’t be that easy, though.
“Can we talk?” Caleb asked.
I paused and stared across the kitchen at the doorway, looking at the potential escape. I could just leave. “No, we can’t talk.”
“I know you’re angry and you’re hurting.”
“Stop it,” I said.
“Ash, you’re Emily’s best friend.”
Holding the palette knife, I whirled around and glared at him. “Exactly. I’m Emily’s best friend. You don’t get to call me Ash.”
“Everyone calls you Ash.”
“Not you.”
Caleb frowned. He lowered his cup and placed it on the counter. “And why don’t I get to call you Ash?”
“This is all your fault.” I had promised myself I wouldn’t say anything.
“You’re clearly tired. We’ll talk another time.”
“I’m tired. That’s what you’re putting this down to. You don’t even see what you did, did you?”
“I saved you.”
“And then you fucking sold me,” I said. “I get that you saved me, but it wasn’t because of me. You saved me for Emily, and I am grateful for that. I spent seven amazing years with her. She’s a wonderful friend. I don’t have a problem with you until you negotiated her return.”
He continued to glare at me. “I did what I had to do.”
“You sold me as if you had a right to. My body. Every single part of me.”
“Look, you fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
“And you think it makes it okay?” I asked. “You sold me for my piece of flesh that was supposed to be my choice. It’s my body, but to save my best friend, I didn’t put up a fight. I never expected to fall in love, and I certainly didn’t want to feel this way. I hold you responsible for all of it. You being the big, bad monster that you are, you should have found another way. I don’t like you. I will never like you. Emily could do so much better than the four of you. So no, I’m not okay with any of you. Nothing you say will ever make any of this okay. You think I forgave you? You think I really wanted to be sold?”
“You only get hit so many times before you start to learn to avoid them.”
“Oh.”
Amelia winced. “Sorry. That was an overshare.”
“You got hit a lot?”
“I was a girl. I was unwanted, and as I grew, I was told I was an ugly baby. Always a disappointment. Compared to River, I didn’t walk as early as him. Nor did I get out of diapers until I was like three, I think. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I’ve always been a disappointment. I’m not as clever as he is.” Amelia tucked her chin against her body.