“And something more to think about is huge, so mull it over, and we’ll talk more about that next time too.”
Chapter 7
It took severalmore days of understanding where her own fears were coming from for Lana to verbalize it to Dani. She stopped in and announced, “It’s just fear, fear of not having enough.”
Dani looked at her in surprise. “Pardon?”
At that, Lana chuckled. “Sorry, a little preamble would have helped.”
“Or at least a bit of notice as to what the conversation was supposed to be about,” Dani suggested, “although it sounded interesting.”
“When my first instinct, seeing you waiting at my office, was that I was being fired,” she replied, “it goes back to that whole fear of not having enough.”
“Ah.” Dani nodded. “That makes a lot of sense. Nothing quite like knowing that survival is still something that’s ever at the forefront for anyone. And, when we lose something pertinent to our survival, how messed up we can get so very quickly.”
Lana nodded. “Good point,” she agreed, “and definitely something that I think we should consider for staff training considerations, even if it doesn’t extend to the patients as well. It just might be helpful to bring it up at some point in time for the employees to consider in their own worlds. Obviously my case is different from your case. Our situations are different.”
“True. I understand,” Dani replied. “Nothing like running a center like this and having so many people’s livelihoods in your hands to make you realize just how delicate of a situation the success of Hathaway House is for everyone.”
“You’re quite right there. I’m just trying to keep myself afloat. I can’t imagine being responsible for all these other people around here.” Lana shook her head. “And, of course, that’s what you deal with all the time.”
“Most of the time it’s fine, and then, every once in a while, you get that wake-up call in the middle of the night because, you know, prices have gone up or one of the particular donors who have been incredibly generous to us decides to give elsewhere, and it’s almost heart attack season.” She added, “So far we’ve been blessed, and, for every downturn, we’ve experienced an upturn to keep us still going with strong momentum. Yet it is something that keeps me awake at night. So that fear of survival is very valid.”
“Surely for everybody, not just me or you,” she murmured. “I agree, I mean, not everybody has a six-month nest egg for emergencies. And, even if they did, it would probably be something that they would have to tap into, and that dwindling balance would then probably bring on the same kind of fear because now they won’t have it.” Lana paused, then added, “And that’s just the money angle. There is also the health angle and the mind-set perspective too.”
Dani laughed. “All good points. I think we’re all just messed up then,” she said, with a smile.
“Well, let’s hope that, as time goes on, we all get a little bitlessmessed up and a little bit more secure.”
“I think you have to be happy or secure knowing that you can handle the worst that life throws at you,” Dani murmured. “And you can’t really get to that point, until you have some challenges.”
“Oh, I do like that thought process concept too,” Lana stated.
Dani nodded. “We do try to teach the patients here to get well-adjusted mentally and to be okay with the worst thing in life because then everything else becomes a whole lot easier to dealwith. Not everybody likes that kind of thought process and tries to make it sound like it’s a defeatist attitude. Yet we do find it helps a lot of people if they can come to terms with, you know, the worst thing, the worst outcome. And then everything else is a step up.”
“Agreed.” Lana frowned, deep in thought.
And, with that, she headed back to her desk and the stack of work waiting for her. It still was a job. It still was part of her life spent here, and it still was something that she wanted desperately to keep and to be a part of. And to think that so much was going on around her all the time, that she didn’t necessarily have the same level of awareness about, was also interesting.
She wondered about signing up for more training, so she could do more here. At the same time, she had never really considered her survival needs at this level, but she could see how that fear was eating away at her—or had been now that it had been triggered. Plus, if Lana trained for something else, maybe Dani would have even more reasons to keep Lana on. She considered that, as she worked through the rest of the day. Finally, at 5:00 p.m., she stopped in again at Dani’s office.
Dani took one look and remarked, “Uh-uh, that’s a pretty serious look on your face.”
“Well, it just goes back to what I was saying earlier, about survival. If you ever did come to the point where you needed to lay me off,” she began, “I would like to stay here. So, if there was a chance to train for some other position, where you still have need for people here, then—any time that opportunity comes up—I would jump at it.” And, with that said, Lana didn’t even wait for Dani to respond. Lana just turned and walked back out.
Ryatt worked hardthe next few days, more than ecstatic to see concrete results from his last session with Shane.
Even Shane commented on it. “Seems like a change of attitude has happened,” he noted, with a big grin.
“Nothing like seeing progress,” Ryatt agreed, pasting on his own bright smile.
“Isn’t that the truth? Sounds like I should have done that earlier.”
“Well, I may not have been ready to see it either. Sometimes just because we want to be ready doesn’t mean we are.”
Shane nodded, his gaze thoughtful as he studied Ryatt. “Lots of changes in attitude, from what I’m seeing.”
Ryatt laughed. “Definitely a few, yes. And not a moment too soon,” he murmured. “Wish I hadn’t been quite such a jerk when I first arrived.”