Ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome…
Nope. Sounds like an MC at the royal variety show.
How about something more upbeat?
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1 p.m.
Sender: Bridget Jones
Subject: Baby!
It’s a boy! Bridget Jones has given birth to a baby boy, William, Harry, 7 lbs. 8 oz. Both mother and baby are doing well.
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1.15 p.m. Sounds a bit “samey.”
p.s. Bridget died in childbirth.
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1.16 p.m. Heeheehee. OK, SAVE.
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1.17 p.m. Oh my God. Oh my God. Have pressed SEND ALL.
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3 p.m. Total disaster. Both phones are going mental, ringing off the hook and texts keep pinging up every four seconds. Just opened email box: twenty-six emails.
“Congratulations!”
“The dying bit was a joke, right?”
3.10 p.m. Gaah! Doorbell.
3.16 p.m. It’s a giant bunch of flowers from Sit Up Britain.
Gaah! Doorbell again.
3.30 p.m. It’s a giant fluffy bunny from Miranda with a note saying, “It’s cute, it’s fluffy and I’m going to boil it!”
OK. OK. Calm, calm. Will simply send another group email and put it all right.
And maybe send back the flowers with a note of apology. And the bunny. Though it is really cute and does not deserve to be boiled.
3.35 p.m. God, wish the phone would stop ringing and pinging, right.
Sender: Bridget Jones
Subject: Ignore last email.
Dear all, I’m really sorry, but I haven’t actually had the baby yet. But when I do have the baby I’ll be sure to let you know when that happy time comes!
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