"I'm just going off for some wine, you sit down with Jude. Oh, come on, she won't eat you. She won't touch anything with dairy."
When he'd gone, Jude smiled sheepishly. "I'm not pleased to see you or anything."
"Not pleased to see you either," I said gruffly.
"So do you want to sit down?'
"All right," I said, kneeling down on the rug at which she biffed me awkwardly on the shoulder nearly knocking
me over.
"I missed you," she said.
"Shut-urrrrp," I said out of the corner of my mouth. For a moment, thought I was going to cry.
Jude apologized for being insensitive about Rebecca. She said she'd just got carried away by the thought of anyone who was pleased she was marrying Vile Richard. Turns out she and Vile Richard are not going to Tuscany with Mark and Rebecca, even though they were invited, because Vile Richard said he didn't want to be bossed around by a deranged social engineer and he'd rather they just went on their own. Found self unaccountably warming to Vile Richard. I said I was sorry for falling out over something so stupid as whole Rebecca thing.
"It wasn't stupid. You were really hurt," said Jude. Then she said they were delaying the wedding because it had all got so complicated but she still wanted me and Shaz to be bridesmaids. "If you want to," she said shyly. "But I know you don't like him."
"You really love him, don't you?'
"Yes," she said happily. Then she looked anxious. "But I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. It says in The Road Less Tavelled that love isn't something you feel but something you decide to do. And also in How to Get The Love You Want that if you go out with someone who doesn't properly earn their own living and accepts help from his parents then they haven't de-parented and it'll never work."
What was going through my head was the Nat King Cole song my dad was playing in the shed. "The greatest thing ... You'll ever learn . . ."
"Also I think he's an addict because he smokes dope and addicts can't form relationships. My shrink says ..."
". . . is how to love and be loved in return."
". - - I shouldn't have a relationship for at least a year because I'm a relationship addict," Jude went on. "And you and Shaz just think he's a fuckwit. Bridge? Are you listening to me?'
"Yes, yes, sorry. If it feels right I think you should go with it."
"Exactly," said Vile Richard, towering above us like Bacchus with a bottle of Chardonnay and two packets of Silk Cut.
Had fantastic time with Jude and Vile Richard and all piled into taxi and went back together. Once home, immediately called Shazzer to tell her the news.
"Oh," she said when I'd fully explained the Zen-like miracle workings of Flow. "Er, Bridge?"
"What?"
"Do You want to go on holiday?"
"I thought you didn't want to go with me."
"Well, I just thought I'd wait till..."
"Till what?"
"Oh, nothing. But anyway..."
"Shaz?" I prodded.
"Simon's going to Madrid to see some girl he met on the Internet."
Was torn between sorriness for Sharon, huge excitement about having someone to go on holiday with, and feelings of inadequacy for not being 6ft architect with penis when could not be further from same.
"Baaah. It's just pashmina-ism. She'll probably turn out to be a man," I said to make Shazzie feel better.