Finally, we reached the precipice, and tumbled over the cliff together, headfirst. I saw white spots appear behind my closed eyelids as Smoke called out my name. It was the most pleasurable union I’d ever experienced, and time seemed to be suspended as I lost myself to the feelings.
Afterward, Smoke got up only long enough to go into the bathroom and throw the condom away. When he returned, I had peeled back the bedspread and sheets, crawling underneath. He joined me, and I rolled onto my side, so my back was facing him. Smoke’s arms snaked around me, pulling me close until my back was flush against his chest. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I relaxed every muscle in my body. There was nothing like this, the satisfaction I felt.
Smoke placed a kiss to the crook of my neck. “You’re a hell of a woman, you know that?”
I smiled with my eyes closed. “You’re not too bad yourself.”
We laid like this for a while, the only sounds in the room were our even breathing and the sound ticking of a clock on the wall. The air conditioning kicked on and I snuggled further under the covers.
Smoke tightened his arms around me. “Why don’t you let me take care of you for a while?” he asked out of nowhere, apparently voicing his thoughts out loud.
“Like you just did?” I chuckled. “Because that was kind of already my plan. You’re ready for round two already?”
Smoke chuckled. “Soon. But I meant financially. Let me help you.”
My eyes popped open and I turned in his arms as all thoughts of more sex fled my brain. “What?”
“You could quit stripping.”
I shook my head, “No, I can’t. I need the money.”
“There are other jobs out there.”
“And I keep my eye out for one that will work for me, but stripping pays well enough to cover my expenses and the schedule works with my classes. I know it’s not ideal, but I’m kinda stuck with it for now.”
My mind went to my car, which he just paid to have fixed. It weakened my argument about making decent money at the club, but I couldn’t give in on this. I didn’t love stripping—who did?—but Holbeck wasn’t exactly a huge town. I didn’t have a ton of other full-time options that would work for me with school.
“I told you, I can help support you until you find another job,” he persisted. “I don’t like those other men looking at you. No one should see you like that, except me.”
I thought about what he was saying, not wanting to be dismissive of his feelings. Something about his words was a turn-on, making me feel special that he valued me enough to be possessive of me. But when I thought about relying on him so much, I was filled with unease.
I’d been too used to being alone. My whole life, I had never really had anyone I could fully depend on, and every time I thought I did, I’d been let down. I wanted to believe this wouldn’t happen with Smoke, that I finally found someone who cared enough, but if I was wrong—if I quit my job, making myself completely dependent on him, and he changed his mind—I would be screwed. Left broke and unable to take care of my son. I just couldn’t take the risk. This wasn’t just about me taking help from Smoke. I had Gavin to think about too. If I couldn’t support him, I was a failure as a mother, and I couldn’t let that happen. I was a mother first, always. It had been the reason I had taken the stripping job in the first place.
“I appreciate that, really, but I just can’t,” I told him. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but I couldn’t waver on this. “I’m not looking for a man to support me.”
“I want to,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “It would make me happy. But I’ll give you time to get comfortable with the idea of being taken care of. I’m not going anywhere in the meantime. Can’t guarantee I won’t rearrange your boss’s face if keeps touching you though.”
I smiled. He understood my hesitation without me having to spell it out for him. Maybe I would take him up on his offer someday, but we just started seeing each other, and I wasn’t ready to take that step. Because what he was suggesting was a leap of faith and I just didn’t have the conviction for that yet.
I didn’t have words to express the rush of affection I felt for Smoke at his words. So I placed a chaste kiss on his lips and rolled back over, relaxing once again. The bed was comfortable, but even more than that, Smoke’s arms around me felt like home. It was where I belonged.
“Goodnight, Smoke,” I said as my eyelids started to feel heavy. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for another second.
“Goodnight, my sweetheart.”
I was smiling when sleep took me.