"I did?"
"Like you, I'm a sociable creature. It is my weakness. Yet my abyss is unutterably lonely and echoing. From a distance, I watch exciting events unfold, but I am held apart. I see the ways of men and women, but don't experience love. I hear mortals sharing laughter. But I share nothing. I'm drawn to you because we are kindred. Together we experience life."
I couldn't comprehend the Priestess's reasoning. "But the vulnerabilities . . ."
"I am cursed. To truly live, I must make myself vulnerable and trust. Death isn't the only one who risks everything just to feel. . . ."
"I'm not trying to get you on land," I said firmly. "You need to stay put."
"Hmm."
Starting to hate it when she said hmm. "What's the Emperor's grail?"
"We all are. He wants to defeat 'worthy' opponents, with as much carnage as possible. He also enjoys the occasional cataclysm, just because it feels good to him."
"What happens if he wins?"
The river grew choppy, the fog dissipating. "Hell on earth. His reign would mark the end of mankind. All the cards must sense this."
Surely that was the root of my ominous feeling, my sense that something big was coming down the pipeline. So why did my unease feel removed from Richter? "We can't let him win. If you hang tight in the abyss, you can simply outlast him, right?"
"Oh, are we back to playing? I thought the innocent Empress wanted no part of the game. Except when an Arcana irritates her or steps out of line in any way."
How could water convey such snark? "You're still pissed about whatever I might have done to you in the past." Though I'd found evidence of her cold-bloodedness, I still hadn't read how I'd betrayed her. "I get it. But we were both evil. Admit it: you would've double-crossed me if I hadn't done it to you first."
Eddies twirled.
Irritating eddies. "Ugh! That's your way of ignoring me, isn't it?" As if she'd covered her ears and sang, "La la la." I snatched up a stone and threw it at the water. "I remembered the day we killed the Moon. You took her icon."
The eddies subsided. "I might have worn it best, Evie Greene, but you wore it next."
In other words, the icon had transferred to me when I'd killed Circe.
"Empress, you are the only one protesting your innocence in this game. I've made no such promises."
"I'm not innocent. I don't know what I am. But I know I have zero interest in winning." I plucked the flowers I'd grown. "You said Arcana sometimes ask you to take them to the abyss--that it's the only place they can see to go. I didn't understand before, but now I do."
I braided dandelion stems to make a wreath. The prospect of my death didn't bother me--my one-way ticket loomed--but the idea of Aric dying made my glyphs burn.
"What are you thinking about that upsets you so?" she asked.
I shrugged and tossed my wreath into the river. Water rose beneath the circlet in the shape of a head, and I almost smiled. "When I relive our interactions, I remember how close we were."
Another sigh. "Apparently, not close enough." A wave gulped down the wreath.
That time, I'd definitely received a warning.
30
The Hunter
Closer to her . . .
"How long till I see her?" I muttered from the backseat of our most recent ride. I dimly remembered Matthew getting yet another vehicle and helping me in.
I was still laid out. Never been sick a day in my life, but I couldn't shake this, no. My bones ached so bad I was certain I'd caught bonebreak fever. Delirium was setting in.
I slept most hours, barely remembering the ones when I was awake. My breaths whistled as if a weight pressed on my chest, and the skin on my bum leg felt red hot, itching like something was crawling all over it. Or in it.
But Matthew had given me a fifty-fifty shot of pulling through. Had worse odds, me. "Want to see my girl."
As usual, coo-yon didn't answer me.
We remained far in the west, as far as I could tell. Most roads had been blocked, and gas proved as scarce as ever. I didn't know where Dominija's place was, just knew it could be reached within a week on horseback from Fort Arcana. At our present pace, it would take the Fool and me months to reach even the area.
But I had to assume he would eventually get me to Evie.
In a rough voice, I said, "Woan answer me? Then tell me this, sosie. If you can fight . . . why didn't you ever before?" I thought of all those times I'd needed help out of a tight spot, when he could've changed the tide.
In the salt mine, that boy had taken out a dozen men--without a weapon. I supposed if I could see every move an opponent would make ahead of time, I could defeat just about anybody.
Pointing at his temple, he said, "If I do that, I don't do this."
My head pounded too hard to pursue the subject. "Can't say I've missed these little talks of ours."
"Empress made you a gravestone."
Of course, she would've figured I'd died with the rest. The odds of me surviving that blast were a million to one. Then the lava, and then the flood, which Matthew had blamed on Circe. I hated that Evie had grieved for even a second. "What'd she say when you told her I lived?"
Silence from coo-yon.
"You did tell her?" No answer. My eyes shot wide. I wheezed, sucking in a breath. "Damn it, boy!" I'd never imagined this possibility. Because I'd thought he cared about Evie in his own way. "She . . . she doan know I'm coming?"
"Nope."
"Upset." I could only imagine. Her hatred bubbled up more and more, keeping pace with her rapidly declining physical and mental health.
She'd gotten so paranoid she wouldn't allow me to turn on the electric lights anymore--because of "the Tower." Only the fire lit her room. Shadows crept over the walls, over my vines, the flames a constant reminder of loss.
When her mouth grew slack on one side, she'd finally allowed Paul to examine her. His diagnosis: a stroke and continuing ministrokes--which she'd refused to believe. She'd slurred, "I wouldn't be surprised if Death is making me sick. He needs me out of the picture."
Paul had given her a prescription from his stockpiled medical supplies, but the pills hadn't helped. My grandmother was dying, and there was nothing we could do for her.
Now I sidled even closer to Aric, craving comfort, companionship, anything. I continued seeing him in most of my dreams, making me miss him even more. "Please tell me what you wanted to know from her."