Page 77 of Drop Dead Gorgeous

He’s being pleasant enough, but I’m not falling for it again. He thinks I’m dumb and my accent is annoying, and so I say just for him, “Happy as a dead pig in sunshine.” Folks born and raised in Texas know that means “very happy,” but I’m not sure why.

His brows pull together, and I turn to Meredith, who I can tell is trying to make sense of my response. Everyone knows that you can’t overthink Texas sayings or you’ll get a brain freeze, like if you drink a Slurpee too fast. “If you don’t mind, Georgie and I have a date with a baby goat in the pettin’ zoo.”

“Can I come, Aunt Edie?”

Funny how quick she dumps Oliver for a goat. “If it’s all right with your mother.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Perhaps you want to leave Magnus with Uncle Oliver. He might act up around other animals.”

“Okay.” And as quick as that, she shoves the leash at Oliver and takes my hand.

Fortunately, I don’t see Oliver for the rest of the day. I know Meredith picked up on my hostility toward her brother and is dying to ask me what’s going on. She gets her chance on the drive to the Book Cadillac.

“I thought you and my brother were on friendlier terms these days.”

“I tried to be his friend, but he’s ornery as a two-headed snake,” I say, apparently not done with my Texas sayings for the day.

“What did he do?” she asks, but she doesn’t sound surprised.

“I don’t want to speak bad about your brother.” Although, I guess I just did. “I know you love him. I’m sure he has good qualities somewhere in his bitter heart.”

“Oliver is three years older than I am. He’s always looked out for me and we’re close. I do love him and he does have some good qualities, but he’s stubborn. He can be quite rude, too.”

“Tell me about it. He insults me every time I talk to him. I’m too good a person to put up with someone calling me names.”

By the time I’m dropped off at my penthouse, I’m exhausted. I still want to have kids but, after today, I definitely want to put that off for a few more years. A pile of paperwork from one of Marv’s business attorneys waits for me on the dining room table, but I decide to try to absorb it later.

I take a long hot shower and don’t bother to get dressed up after I leave the bathroom. It’s 6 p.m. and I pull on a pink-and-white-striped pajama top and matching shorts.

I ate so much junk at Halloween in the Park that I can’t think about food. I flop down on the blue couch and reach for the control touch pad similar to the one at Hawthorne. Within moments, the television rises up out of the floor and I’m kicked back, pink velvet slippers propped up on the coffee table, watching old Housewives reunions.

Just about the time it appears like Teresa might kick Danielle’s butt, the touch pad beeps, and the concierge icon lights up. “Good evening, Ms. Chatsworth-Jones. This is Ryan at the concierge desk. There is a Mr. Oliver Hunt who requests your approval. He says he’s a friend of the family. Should I send him up?”

“He’s not my friend.”

“I can hear you, Edie,” Oliver calls out.

“Good!”

“What would you like me to do, Ms. Chatsworth-Jones?”

“I don’t have friends like you, Oliver.”

“Do you want to have this conversation in the residents’ lobby?”

“Go away.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

He thinks he can push me around some more. He’s wrong. “Stalker! Stalker alert!”

The connection drops and the icon goes away. The nerve of that guy, just naturally assuming I’ll let him come on up so he can push me around and insult me some more. I settle into my spot and try to get cozy again. I can’t believe he had the guts to show up out of the blue.

My iPhone rings. I don’t recognize the number, but I answer anyway.

“Are you insane! Security just escorted me out of the building.”