“I-I thought you were going to try—”
“I did. It’s hard being a lord and being one of your guys. It’s just not working out. I’m not a king. The shit I have to do with the lords is too painful. You don’t deserve it, and I have to keep doing it since this is who I am.”
“Who-who you are?”
“I’m a lord, Bianca. I was born one. I’ll die one. The kings were a nice idea, but I wasn’t ever really going to be one.”
“But… I love you. You love me. You’ve saved us—”
He laughed bitterly. “Yeah, well, shit doesn’t always go to plan, does it?”
“D-don’t do this, Fallon.”
“It’s done.”
“No… Fallon. Please. Don’t do this.” My heart raced as tried to reach for him again. He put the necessary space between us, his face turning into a stone mask.
“The night at the dip? I fucked someone else. You know why I did it? Because I’m a fucking lord. There was no way out. I can’t be who you need. Not when I’m who I am. We both need to face facts. This star-crossed lovers shit isn’t working out. I’m sick of seeing you every day with a king on your arm. It’ll never be me. I’m done.”
My stomach roiled with his words. My world darkened. “I can’t. No. I-I can’t lose you too. I know you only did it because you had t-to—”
“Bianca, I was never really there with you. I’m a bad guy. The villain. You can’t lose what you never had. We’re enemies. You’re the wife of my enemy. Shit won’t ever change. Take care of yourself, OK? This is the part where I leave.” He finally closed the distance between us as silent tears streamed down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, princess. You deserve so much better than a lord.” He placed a kiss on my cheek and without another word, he walked away, not looking back.
I stood staring at the place he’d been, my insides cracking.
“B? What’s wrong?” Vincent asked gently. “What did he say?”
“H-he said he’s a lord. And that we’re o-over.”
Vincent sucked in a sharp breath before gathering me into his arms and rocking me.
“It’s OK, B. It’s OK. Fuck him. We don’t need him. We have the kings. Just… fuck. I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”
He let me cry on him for a long time before he led me out of the alley and back to his room where I collapsed onto his bed and stayed for the rest of the night, my heart shattered.
* * *
Vincent gave me more of the pills. I stayed in a barely conscious state for two days before he wouldn’t give me any more and told me I had to unfortunately deal with things.
But my head was a mess. I’d refused to go to classes for the last few days, opting to simply lay in bed and mourn the loss of someone I thought loved me back.
And maybe he had. Maybe the guilt at what he had to do in the lords was what prompted his exit. I couldn’t blame him. It hurt to know he’d been with someone else. Vincent said he didn’t know if it was Stella or not, but he’d find out if I wanted to know.
I honestly didn’t want to know.
I wanted to pretend he’d left to save me, and he’d be back. That felt like a better option than him just bailing on me when things got tough.
Vincent and Levin had gone to Dominic’s for one of their meetings. I got up and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from Vincent’s shelf and opened it, draining several large mouthfuls in one go of it. I wanted the pain to stop. I missed Fallon. I missed Dominic. I missed my life.
I felt so alone despite Levin and Vincent doing their best to keep my mind off things. Levin even tried reading a book to me. Him and Vincent would sandwich me between them in Vincent’s bed and hold me tight as I cried through the night. I hadn’t been touched by either of them past that.
I drank more. My head spun.
I stumbled back to bed after a shower, grateful Vincent felt he could trust me enough to leave me home alone.
I poured more alcohol into my body. My emotions were even worse last week, prompting Levin to buy a book on how to help someone through grief. Which he also tried to read to me while asking if he was doing it right and if he was helping.
Bless my sweet German king for trying.