“It’s an emergency. Like an hour, max. Can you pick me up at the corner of Polk and Pine?”
“Okay, but I’m going to be dressed for work.”
Twenty minutes later, Abby showed up in her beater Prius and Lily jumped in. “What are you wearing?” was the first thing Lily said.
“For work,” Abby said. She was wearing a khaki skirt, black tights, a crisp white blouse and flats. If not for her hair, which was still short and dyed a deep maroon, Lily wouldn’t have recognized her.
“Retail?” Lily asked.
Abby nodded. “I’m a failure. What are you wearing?”
Lily was in black jeans, ankle boots, and a red SF Fire Department T-shirt, which she had thought might help her with the ambulance guys. “Me, too,” she said.
The two failed Goth girls shared a high-five and hugged it out for their shame, then Lily said, “Head up Van Ness and pull in in front of City Hall.”
“I can’t park there. There’s a bus stop.”
“You’re not parking. It’s an emergency.”
Lily outlined the plan on the way: “I need to steal a defibrillator.”
“Okay, I’ll drive,” said Abby.
“No, you have to come in with me.”
“Why? They aren’t heavy. Are they heavy?”
“No, but I haven’t done this before.”
Abby pulled the Prius up onto the sidewalk in front of City Hall and they both jumped out.
“My friend is having a heart attack. My friend is having a heart attack,” Lily chanted as she led Abby up the steps, and continued chanting it as they ran up the hall.
“My friend is having a heart attack, make way.”
When people looked, Abby said, “Hey, fuck off, I’m having a heart attack.”
Finally they spotted a bright red plastic box inside a larger, clear plastic box near a fire extinguisher.
“You want this, too?” Abby said, her hand on the fire extinguisher handle.
“No, just this.”
Lily pulled open the plastic box and pulled out the defibrillator, which was about the size of a small laptop computer. There was a readout and a single yellow button. Then the box started talking.
“Place pads on patient’s chest,” said the box.
Unfortunately, Lily and Abby had attracted enough attention on their way to the defibrillator that a group of about a dozen people had gathered around them to either help the skinny girl or watch her twitch.
“Place pads on patient’s chest,” said the box.
Lily popped open a little door on the defibrillator and two vinyl pads about the size of coasters, stuck together, fell out, trailing wires behind them.
“What do we do?” Abby said.
“Place pads on patient’s chest,” said the box.
Lily held the box between her legs, separated the two pads, then tore open Abby’s blouse and slammed the pads on her boobs.