"Why not?"
"Aleksei lives a life of extremes." He exhaled wearily, gazing at Sevastyan with a look at once proud and a little mystified. "Extreme loyalty, violence, vigilance. I've known him for nearly twenty years and have seen him with scores of beautiful women"--jealousy rearing its ugly head!--"but I have never seen him respond to anyone the way he does to you. His interest is dark, and that's not necessarily a good thing."
Paxan hadn't exactly answered the question. "Are you warning me away from him?"
"I'm in an uncomfortable position. Do I hinder his happiness to secure yours? Or do I dare hope the two of you could make each other happy? Matches like this weren't uncommon in my day. It would make sense, no? A trusted right-hand man and a treasured daughter?"
Matches? Securing happiness? This all sounded so ominous--and permanent. My commitment-phobe self was on full alert. "This is really heavy. I hardly know him."
"Did Aleksei tell you how we met?"
"He said I should ask you."
Paxan raised his brows. "That's surprising. He's a very private man."
"He did say you took him in as a boy. Will you tell me how you found him?"
Paxan nodded. "I was driving the slums in St. Petersburg, looking for a foothold in the city. And I saw this man in a back alley beating a boy of no more than thirteen, beating him bloody. This wasn't something unique. It was after the fall of communism. There were thousands of street children, and many were harshly abused."
Sevastyan had been abused? The idea left a hollow ache in my chest. I gazed at him, now a grown man, so tall and stalwart.
"But this boy," Paxan continued, "he kept struggling to his feet, facing the man with his shoulders squared. Why didn't the boy stay in the gutter? Why keep rising? I'd never seen anyone take so many hits. Eventually, the man wore himself out! When the boy landed his sole blow, the big man went down, and then the boy disappeared. I had to know why he'd kept rising. So I followed his trail of blood to ask. Do you know what Aleksei's answer was?"
Spellbound, I shook my head.
"In a deadened tone, he told me, 'Styd bolnee udarov.' Shame is more painful than blows."
I swallowed. He'd been like that--at thirteen?
"Extreme, no? It's expected for each vor to mentor a protege, to bring someone who shows promise into the fold. I'd never been interested in doing so until I met Aleksei."
"Where had he come from? Was he an orphan?" As I'd briefly been.
Paxan parted his lips, then seemed to think better of what he was about to tell me. "Perhaps he would confide in you if you two spent time together and got to know each other better."
And therein lay the problem. Anytime we were alone, we were in danger of fooling around. Which might explain why Sevastyan had been avoiding me.
"Paxan, I need you to level with me," I said, my face heating anew. "What would happen, if there was more . . . trifling?"
The dapper gentleman clockmaker pulled at his collar, utterly uncomfortable with this, reminding me that he was new at having a daughter. "Do you mind if I switch from English?" he asked, and I waved him on.
In Russian, using what had to be a record number of euphemisms, Paxan basically told me that if Sevastyan and I consummated a relationship, the man would be obligated to become plighted to me--a way of saying bound, fairly much forever--even without the wedding.
It all became clear. No wonder Sevastyan had distanced himself from me--he dreaded what might happen. Attraction to me was one thing, being plighted quite another.
Not that I wanted such an arrangement with him, but it still stung that he'd do anything to avoid getting saddled with me.
The first couple of days after the closet incident, I'd made excuses for his distance. He was too busy, had too much on his mind. Stupid, Natalie.
Not the guy to hold my hands and warm them when they're cold.
"I believe I'm bungling this." Paxan rubbed his temples. "You're so young. Too young to be given to another?"
"Given?" I said, voice scaling an octave higher. This was the way of the world here, a world I was now immersed in.
Gaze going distant, Paxan said, "Still, considering all the danger these days, maybe you need a man who would lay down his life for you."
"Will you tell me more about Travkin and the current threat against us?" Paxan kept the specifics in the vault, so to speak, not wanting to burden me. "Do we all have glaring bull's-eyes on our backs?"
Paxan seemed not to have heard me. "It is a difficult situation, and perhaps it's not meant to be with you and Aleksei. There are shadows in him."
"Shadows?"
Paxan focused on me once more. "I know Filip is also interested in you. You're closer in age and have much more in common."
"I'm not attracted to him like that. I almost wish I could be, but I'm not."
"No attraction at all? To Filip?"
I shook my head. "None."
With his angelic smile, he asked, "Is it working?" He reached forward to grasp my ponytail, twirling the end around his forefinger. Just when I was about to step away, he abruptly dropped his hand. He had a knack for sensing how far he could push with the flirting.
He'd been having to pull back more and more--because he was always flirting. At times Filip's behavior made me wonder if he was aware of those plighted rules. I could swear there was an almost desperate feel to his attentions--which didn't fit with, well, everything about him. "There's nothing you can tell me?"
"Hey, I just work on the books. Sevastyan doesn't allow me inside the inner circle."
"Me neither." We were outsiders looking in.
When Filip brushed his hand over his tired face, I noticed that his watch was gone. Like Paxan and Sevastyan, he'd had an expensive wristwatch, but I hadn't seen it in a couple of days. I narrowed my gaze. "Something's going on with you." I looked into those guileless gray eyes. Too guileless?