Ultimately, if I break her, I ruin him. And that’s exactly what I need. What I crave.
By the time I’ve showered and dragged on a clean set of clothes, Dr. Rosi is talking to Mum in her room—not that I think for a second that she’s actually listening.
“Hey,” I say, stepping into the room and finding her hooked up to some fluids.
“Hi, Seb.” I hate the sadness in his voice, the pity. “Twice in as many weeks,” he mutters quietly, as if I need reminding.
“Each visit is one less you’re going to need to make,” I whisper. We can’t continue this way. Mum’s body is giving up after the years of abuse. I don’t need a doctor to tell me how this is going to end. I just need to turn eighteen before it happens to save all the bullshit of needing to be in someone’s care.
Dr. Rosi lets out a sigh. I know what he wants to say. He wants us to try to get her into rehab again. But after all the previous failed attempts, I can’t help but think we should just let her put an end to it all.
She’s miserable. Has been since the day she learned she was a widow, and it’s only got worse from then on.
At least back then she had young kids to keep her somewhat distracted. But now, with her girls gone and only me left—a miniature version of my father to remind her of what she lost—she’s totally given up.
She knows it won’t be long until I’m gone too. Hell, I practically live with Theo as it is just to get away from all this. It’s only my guilt that keeps bringing me back.
“Thank you,” I say, not needing to hear any kind of lecture from him.
“Anytime, Seb. You know that.”
I nod as he begins packing up his stuff.
“You know the drill,” he says, backing toward the door.
I do. Hell, it happens so often that even Mum will know what to do when she finally wakes, each time angrier than the last that I saved her.
“Until next time,” I say, my voice cold and emotionless.
He disappears from the room and I stand there for a few minutes, just staring at her almost unrecognisable face.
I can only imagine what our father must think of her now.
My phone ringing drags me from my morose thoughts and I pull it from my pocket as I walk out of the room.
Sitting here watching her is going to achieve nothing.
I roll my eyes when I see Sophia’s name on my screen.
“Hey, Sis,” I say, forcing as much lightness into my tone as possible.
“Are you okay?”
“Theo called you, huh?”
“He messaged me, suggesting I check in. What’s going on?”
I drop down on the top step and run my hand down my face.
“Dr. Rosi just left,” I confess.
“Again?”
“Yeah. It’s getting worse.”
“Let us help you, Seb. Please,” she begs. It’s not the first time and it probably won’t be the last. She wants to put Mum into a facility and for me to move in with her and her husband, Jason. It would be fine if they lived close enough for me to still attend Knight’s Ridge. But they don’t. And I refuse to leave the only place I have some kind of solace from the rest of my life.
It’s the only place I’m not constantly reminded of how shit my life is. Although with her now walking the halls, my reprieve might be shorter lived than usual.