He pointed a finger in my direction and said, “I’m glad that you mentioned that one. Eli found you on the first day, which pissed Seth off royally because he wasn’t able to lose him on the drive over when he dropped off the paint. Seth made it more than clear that he wasn’t welcome in the house unless Seth gave him permission after talking it over with you. Then we left for our assignment and Seth didn’t call you and refused to take any of Eli’s calls, just to torment him. While we’re on the subject, Seth is enjoying Eli’s heartbreak way too much, but that’s for a side discussion,” he said with a smile. “Here’s what we know, though. You know Seth has cameras all over this place, inside and outside, just waiting for Eli to fuck up. He never did…but he slept in his truck outside your hideaway every damn night.” He popped his knuckles. “I’m on a roll—give me another one.”
I stood up and started pacing. Like the Grinch, my heart had not only grown back, but doubled in size. Eli slept in his truck outside the Victorian…watching over me? Why? Why lie to me and then do all that? It didn’t make sense. I wanted to believe it so badly…so fucking badly.
“Damn, Ari, if it’s about the BDSM shit, I wish you would talk to me or Eli about it. I get it. It isn’t for everybody. Hell, it isn’t for most people, to be perfectly honest. On the other hand, you’ll never know if you like it or hate it if you don’t give it a try. Having said that, I agree that Eli is guilty of a sin of omission by not being completely honest and forthcoming when you asked him about it, but what he does really isn’t considered BDSM. If you would have allowed him to talk to you at his apartment, he could have explained that his kink is Shibari, not what Seth and I engage in. Does it often lead to that? Probably. Does it have to? Definitely not. It is a part of him, Ari. I wish you wouldn’t ask him to give it up before you at least try it, though.”
“What in the hell is Shibari? Or do I even want to know?” Damn, at this point I didn’t care. On the cruise, I’d already half convinced myself that I was more than willing to give the BDSM kink a try if Eli was ever interested. Unless this Shibari shit was worse than the little bit of BDSM porn I’d watched over the years, I wanted to give it a try. The cruise…being with Eli…had brought out of a side of me that I hadn’t known existed.
“Shibari is a form of rope play—it’s damn near a work of art. Your body would be the canvas and Eli would be the artist. I’ve done some research after talking with Eli. It’s absolutely beautiful and doesn’t have to be painful or uncomfortable at all.” He grinned widely and added, “Orrrr, it can be…which would be right up my alley.”
Rope play? Fuck. All the times he’d tied my hands and legs or just held my hands together…
I felt like shit. I’d hurt him again. Why did I always hurt the man I loved?
“One more question, and I’m ready to admit defeat.”
“Thank you, Jeezus! Ask away!”
“What was that man doing at Eli’s apartment? He told us he was there to discuss a business transaction. Do you know what it was?”
“Yep. He was selling all the stuff in his playroom,” Baker answered. “He was giving up a very important part of himself in order to make you happy, Ari. I’ve talked to him for hours about it. All he wants to do is make you happy. He has the same look in his eye that Seth gets when he talks about me or if I’m talking about Seth. It’s love. It’s the same damn look you have in your eyes right now. Come on, man. End this sequester and let us all be happy. We can double date and shit.”
I took a deep breath, remembering what happened the last time I put myself out there—disaster city.
Eli was worth it. Whatever happened, Eli was worth it.
“I have an idea,” I told Baker. “But I’ll need yours and Seth’s help.”Chapter ThirteenEliTwo weeks. I knew that Baker or Seth had told Ari that I’d turned in my notice and would be leaving in two weeks, but I’d not heard a peep from Ari—I guess that told me all I needed to know. The last month had been horrible, both physically and emotionally. Knowing Ari was so close, right within my grasp, made it damn near impossible to not reach for him, beg him to forgive me and take me back. Before, when we’d been separated, I’d managed to get through every day, because the knowledge there was a possibility of us having a future together loomed ahead of me. Now, that possibility was gone—an opportunity lost due to my own insecurities and half-truths.