"Oh, Father Stone," I moan, "fuck me harder."
I play the scene over in my head until I finally reach the nirvana that I've been denied for so long.
* * *
The weight of gravity pulls my head forward once again, jerking me awake as it bobs in place. Shit, I fell asleep. I'm still in the evening mass.
The orgasm that I had earlier left me a shattered mess. Physically and emotionally. Tim wasn't very generous in the bedroom. He wasn't very generous anywhere. I wasn't planning to attend mass this evening, but Sister Dawn came knocking on my door seconds after I had finished. Dinner was over, and she wanted to check on me since I told her I didn't feel well.
Thank God she didn't hear anything.
I hope.
If she did, she isn't acting like it. The only way I could get her to leave me alone was to tell her I was feeling a little better and would walk to mass with her.
I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, trying to work the fatigue from them. I shift in the pew, trying to force some of the sleepiness away, and the stiff fabric of my habit grinds against my ass. Father O'Rourke, my least favorite priest here, continues to drone on and on at the altar. His monotone timbre lulls me to sleep during our evening service nearly every time. On top of that, he speaks entirely too slow. It's as if he is contemplating every single word before it comes out of his mouth.
My gaze flits around the chapel, looking at each of the stained glass windows, the statue of Mary, the crucifix. Accidentally, my eyes latch onto Mother Superior's, and I can't stop them from widening over the fact that she caught me not paying attention; again. Not only that, though. Sister Dawn is next to her, whispering in her ear. Mother Superior's eyes never leave mine as she narrows her gaze at me.
It looks like Sister Dawn heard me after all.
Father Stone
"Father,thank you for seeing me on such short notice."
Kneeling before Father Francis, he offers me his hand, and I lay a kiss on his knuckles, showing a sign of respect. He is like a father to me, and I don't know where I would be today if it weren't for him.
"Father Ryan, you know that I will drop everything for you, if possible."
He places a hand on my head and recites a quiet prayer, the same as he does every time we meet. I asked him once, what it is he says when he prays over me. He wouldn't tell me exactly what he said, but he explained it.
"As God works in mysterious ways, so too do his servants," he answered, "it's a prayer to God for understanding on behalf of us both."
Understanding from our savior for what is about to happen would be a miracle. The way I confess my sins and repent with Monsignor Francis is anything but ordinary.
"What is troubling you? You look more distressed than I ever remember seeing you before."
I raise my head, and my eyes find his. His wise stare is fixed on me, and I wonder if he already knows why I'm here. He's always been able to read me like a book.
"I'm worried, Father. I need a session."
"Are you sure? It's been so long, what? Two years?"
"Three. I haven't slipped since I ended things with Claire. But circumstances have changed, and I can feel my control crumbling."
"Shall we take this downstairs to the confessional?" he asks after a moment.
* * *
Monsignor Francis ties the last piece of fabric tightly around my right ankle, binding in place for my penance. My hands are tied to bars that stick out of the wall. My ankles are restrained to metal pipes rising out of the floor about a foot away from the wall. I am splayed out for him, forming the letter "X" with my back to the open room, and my eyes trained on the brick wall in front of me. I listen as he moves to the shelf where he keeps the holy water. He grabs the steel bucket and returns to me.
"In the name of the Father," he lifts the aspergillum and sprinkles the sacred water on my naked body.
"And of the Son," another shake of the aspergillum and more of the consecrated liquid flies over my skin.
"And of the Holy Spirit."
The rush of air from the Monsignor's motion mixed with the droplets splattered over my back sends a chill up my spine.