Purity
I lefthis nasty room feeling dirtier than when I went in. He had a creepy way of making someone feel like they were in a lecherous relationship with their parents or close relative. Rushing to the lavatory, so I could use the facilities before anyone else was finished with their prayer time, I went into the very end stall so I could stick my finger down my throat and clean myself up as much as possible.
Being with Father O'Rourke took extra time, so I needed to hurry. When the others were done with their prayer time, it was time for me to go in alone and pray for my sins. I was sequestered from the rest of the sisters so I wouldn’t contaminate them until the time Mother Superior deemed me fit to join them again.
I walked with my head down as I heard the others speaking softly coming down the hallway. The pious and mighty sisters of mine thought I didn’t know what they actually all did, the sinners they were, but I knew. I knew it all. What they didn’t know was, I actually spoke to the Lord on my prayer journeys. And once he compelled me to speak again – the immoral ones would fall.
* * *
4 Years Ago
“Julia! Julia Marchfield!”
The incessant yelling wasn’t going to get me to acknowledge this bitch any faster so she may as well calm her tits down.
“What’s up, Rita?” I asked.
“Mrs. Trumble to you, you little shit. Start answering me or I will kick you out of this house.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Fat bitch wasn’t going to kick me out of this group home. She would stop getting my check from the government each month. She acted like this was the Ritz Hilton or something.
“I can’t wait until you turn of age and I don’t have to put up with that attitude. I will be the first one laughing my ass off at you when you find out what the real world has in store for you.”
Smiling at her, blowing her a kiss, I tromped into the large dining area to grab some toast. There were some people there I had never seen. Interested, but not enough to ask, I sat down with a cup of coffee and dry white bread.
“Who are they?” I asked Tanya.
She was the one I was closest to. She had just turned eighteen, so she would be moving out soon.
“I’m not sure, but I don’t feel good about them.” She shrugged. “The woman keeps looking me up and down like I’m a piece of meat or something.” She shivered visibly, disgusted.
It did seem weird how they were focused on all the girls getting ready to move out.
“Stay with me. Let’s go to school.” We stood together, leaving the place.
That evening there was tension in the air as Rita tried to be extra nice to all of us. It was so out of character for her, we knew something was happening. I held the knife I had found on our walk home close inside my pants line.
“Wait until you see the new van I just bought girls! You will love it. My new business partners have given me quite an advance.” She walked around with a stupid grin on her face. “I’ve never had a new car before.” She said beaming.
Patty, usually a quiet girl, asked, “What kind of business, Mrs. Trumble?”
“They are going to give you girls respectable jobs when you turn of age. Isn’t that wonderful?” She smiled a fake smile.
Tanya and I looked at each other. If we were getting the job, then why was she getting an advance?
That night I was woken up by screams. I recognized Tanya’s voice, so I jumped out of bed. To my surprise, my door was locked, from the outside. I couldn’t get out. I yelled, kicked, tried everything I could, but to no avail. I tried to pick the lock with the pointed edge of my knife, but found out it wasn’t as easy as it was on TV.
The next morning, when I heard the lock click open on my door, I jumped through it, demanding answers.
Tanya, and four other girls who were aging out this year, were gone. Rita was humming a happy tune about they had a job out of the country to start right away.
Something was very wrong, but no matter who I went to, the teachers, the counselors, even my caseworker – they just thought I was over reacting. All I knew was, I’ve never seen or heard from Tanya or the others again.
Chapter 4
Purity
This wasmy favorite times of the day, when I was kneeling before the altar and confessing my sins. I had so many wrongdoings, I felt like I needed cleansing so badly. I would always look at myself as the one neck deep in maggots and filth, begging to be forgiven, begging for our Redeemer to save me, expunge my sins and help me understand my purpose.