I had read and reread the bible Mrs. Otis had given me so many times, I could recite verse. What a beautiful thing, the scriptures. It spoke of joy, hope, truth, justice, hell, and our eternal damnation. I finally found my way home, is how I always felt when I read.
Having only a few menial chores, I tried to get those out of the way right after the sermon. The floors were assigned to me. The kitchen, and the two long communal bathrooms.
There was nothing more satisfying then doing the work of the Lord. It was a time of learning as well. No one paid attention to the lowly servant on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors.
Starting in the kitchen, I took my bucket of water, getting on my knees on the marbles floor wasn’t a chore really. If I could keep God’s house clean, then it was my duty.
There were a few workers who were employed by the church to do the grounds keeping and general maintenance. They were in the kitchen eating and general gossiping. I took in the information about who would give them pleasures under her habit, who they wanted to try and convert, and who was right at that moment helping their fantasies out. It was interesting to see the more pious the sister it seemed, the bigger the slut.
Finishing up, they barely gave me a glance. I made sure I looked very plain every day. Almost homely, but not quite. I could put on a fashion show and blow them all away, but that wasn’t what I was there for.
Moving on to the bathrooms, I saw Sister Hanleigh in the last stall, cleaning up like I try to do every week. She smiled at me, then walked out. I wasn’t really sure what her deal was, but something about her made me want to find out.
Thankfully, the second one was empty. It usually was emptier because it was the furthest from any classes or work areas. There was an incident many years ago that shut most of that side down. No one would speak of the incident, except to say it happened.
After dumping my mop bucket, I went to my secret place. No one ever came to look for me, so I could wander around. Of course, I was very curious when I first came and wandered all over the place.
I found the secret area by accident. Trying to find a place where my box could be hidden, but still close, I found another hidden room that was just off of a hallway that attached to a door right inside my closet. I almost missed it. Accidentally, I leaned back on a section to take a break from moving stuff around and dusting. Before I knew what happened, I fell backwards into a dust filled hallway.
I took a candle to look around. Obviously, I wasn’t the first person to find this, but whoever had, it had been a long time. The dust was two inches thick, there were bugs crawling all around. And to me, it felt like my soul was at peace.
Walking into a room, I saw a full length mirror. Cleaning it off with my robe, I was enthralled with it. This would be perfect for me to perform self flagellation. When I had first been taught about it, I knew this was the missing piece.
Father O’Rourke gave me mydisciplineand explained the significance of it. It was a small whip that had seven cords that symbolized the seven deadly sins and seven virtues. There were three knots on each cord representing the number of days Jesus remained in the tomb after bearing the sins of humanity. He explained, I should inflict agony on myself to suffer as Christ and the other martyrs did.
I practiced self-flagellation in order to remind myself of everyone’s continued sin, depravity, and vileness. The pain, as the whips tore at my tender flesh, were nothing to me in my mind, compared to what others had to bear.
I needed to repent for the lives I took, even though it was something my psyche insisted on. There weren’t any small creatures in here, just bugs. A lot of them.
After I whipped myself, I would do my prayers in front of the mirror. Falling in the dirt and grime is where I truly belonged. As I felt the blood dripping down my back, I could hear the scurry of the legs scuttling up my back to partake. Never pausing my prayers, or opening my eyes, I only envisioned being covered in maggots. It is truly what I deserve.
After I have felt God has heard me, I stand up, shaking the critters off of my back. I know no one else would understand. Maybe Hanleigh, I’m not sure. She seems like me, but I’m not sure.
Glancing back at the carved circle in the wooden floor behind me, I know my time is waning. It was quite a discovery when I first found it. Not wanting to tell anyone about this place, I drew it on a paper and asked O’Rourke about it. He looked shocked.
“That is evil. Never make a drawing like that again.” He threw it in his fireplace.
I wasn’t allowed a computer, so I couldn’t research why it was evil. When I walked around the circle, it felt almost like it was beckoning me. Pulling me in.
I never had an evil feeling. Sometimes it was a tug of war trying to walk away from it, but it was never volatile towards me. Only welcoming.
My theory was, maybe it was only evil because of the dark things he had done in his life. I would be subjugating him, to help heal his wicked ways very shortly.
Only a few more days, and my voice would be heard.
Chapter 8
Sister Hanleigh
Tryingto keep my chores and prayers up, I know I am the invisible and forgotten one of this group. That will always be fine with me. I was put through the sametrainingthat the Purity is having to deal with, with the two Priests.
It has made the other women just act as if I don’t exist. I wish I could save her. Knowing they deny her one meal, I try to smuggle her in a snack. She looks at me as if she doesn’t trust me. I guess when I was in her spot, I didn’t trust many either. Honestly, I’m not sure I could say I trust all of them now. However, I was here to do the lord’s work, not make friends.
Purity I am concerned about and have agonized several times if I should go to Mother Superior over her. I found her box under her bed. It had the most peculiar things in it. A knife of all things, and small bones. There were also some drawings in it, along with some dried up bodies of dead bugs.
Placing it back where I found it, I really wanted to take it and burn it. The whole thing felt vile in my hands. Now trying to figure out how to discuss it with her.
I wanted her to know I was a friend, an ally if she wanted. I went through what she was experiencing with the two men. As bad as I hate to admit it, it did make me stronger.