Page 72 of The Chaos You Crave

“If you need me for anything else, you know where to find me,” Everett laughed. “I better get back to work,” he said before going back to the ellipticals.

West turned me to face him. “Let’s go to the heavy bags. I need to punch something.”

We spent the next hour hitting the bag, pretending it was whoever was behind in the mystery Instagram account. At least I was. West helped me with my technique since I’d never punched anything other than Remington. It was actually…fun. It felt good getting some aggression out.

When we were done working out, we were sweaty and gross so we went to West’s office and used his shower together–to conserve water, of course. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he pushed me up against the tile and pounded into me until we both exploded with pleasure. I felt dirtier getting out than when we got in.

It scared me how easily I was fitting into West’s life–with his hobbies, his friends, his routine. It wasn’t supposed to be this easy, was it? I felt the armor around my heart cracking, melting, leaving me open and vulnerable. I spent so long keeping that armor up that I’d forgotten how good it felt to let it fall.

29

West

Thenextfewdayswent by without a word from the stalker’s account. I anticipated another post, but all was silent. Possibly because Ashtyn and I made sure to have our fun behind locked doors and closed blinds.

Ashtyn went to work a few times, trying to make up for losing her shifts the week prior. Gabby insisted on driving her to Aces, but I made sure to be there to pick her up and take her home, much to her dismay. She didn’t want to put me out or make me stay up late on school nights, but I didn’t care. I would’ve been up anyway, worrying until I saw her get home unharmed.

Ash had spent every night in my bed, but it was Friday, and Dad was supposed to be home for a few days in between work trips. That meant I wouldn’t be letting Ashtyn stay over to deal with that dickhead. She never let me in her house–it couldn’t be that bad, could it?–but I would sit outside her window all night if that’s what it took to keep her safe from whoever was watching.

Axel and Bronx didn’t come up with any leads. They said the phone number associated with the Instagram account was a burner number–something that came from an app that could generate numbers with any area code in the country–so basically, we were screwed. Axel made a fake account and [email protected] so far, there was no response.

I’d gone to Brass Knuckles after school, needing to release a little stress and check up on things, so Bronx drove Ashtyn home. It was getting close to when she would leave for work, so I went to her house instead of going to mine.

I knocked on the door but she wasn’t home. Maybe Gabby picked her up early.

I went to my house and dropped my duffel bag on the counter. I heard voices coming from the hallway, so I walked down to see who was with Bronx.

“Before you head out,” Bronx said.

“What’s up, B?” Ashtyn asked.

I was far enough down the hallway that they wouldn’t see me from where they stood, and I could watch their shadows and move back if they left the room.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you. Alone.”

“Okaaay.”

“I’m not sure what’s going on with you and West, but you’re getting…close again. I mean, you’ve been here every night this week,” he laughed nervously. “And the walls are pretty thin.”

“And?” Ashtyn said, growing irritated. I was too.

“Look, I tried talking to him about this but I didn’t get anywhere. I want to talk to you about it, but I won’t keep butting in after this.”

“Would you just spit it out?”

“Fuck, sorry. I’m worried because you guys are getting close but you’re not together. Or are you? I don’t know.”

“We’re not together.”

“But you act like you’re together. You’re kinda like, dating without the label. Which will only lead to–"

“Getting hurt,” Ashtyn sighed. “You think I’m going to get fucked over again.”

“Not just that, though. I know how West is with his feelings. He’ll stomp his own heart to avoid something real, you know? Once he realizes how he feels about you, he’s going to self-sabotage. It’s what he does.”

“Hey,” she said before her shadow moved toward his. “I know you’re worried about him. About both of us. But we’re just having fun. I’m not oblivious to the fact that at some point, probably soon, he’s going to lose interest in me again. It’s fine. I’ve got my armor on this time.”

“Ashtyn…you can pretend to be tough all you want. I know it’s going to fucking crush you when it happens. Maybe it’s best to end things before it gets too serious.”

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