THIRTEEN
Terra had driven them home from the hospital. Both Terra and Mom had been adamant that Erin go to bed, and she hadn’t argued with them. But first, she wanted nothing more than to take a long, hot shower to wash away the grime and mud—and maybe a few of the memories.
Erin turned on the shower, and unfortunately the sound brought unwanted memories. What was it with her and water now? She didn’t think she would be kayaking anytime soon after what had happened back on Puget Sound, and now even the sound of rushing water—river or the shower, it didn’t matter—which she should find soothing, tormented her. She pushed beyond her initial unwelcome reaction and stepped into the hot spray, then slowly relaxed as it flowed over her and rinsed away the last many hours.
Dirty water swirled around, then disappeared down the drain. Exhaustion pressed her to finish before she was truly ready to give up the warmth, and she dressed in a clean navy T-shirt and black yoga pants, then crawled into bed. She could sleep for a week.
With her head against the pillow, soft blankets covering her, and the shades pulled to provide the room with at least some semblance of darkness, Erin gave herself permission to crash. At first, the pain ricocheted through her, making her feel as if her whole body vibrated with it, but then she let go and gave in to the exhaustion...
And the nightmares...
Mom shook her. “Why didn’t you listen?”
Erin jerked awake. The images of her nightmare from long ago hadn’t been overcome by recent events like she’d expected. Maybe even hoped.The clock on the nightstand told her she’d been lost to the world for at least four hours.
Voices—Mom and another female voice she didn’t recognize—spoke in low tones in the living room. Erin doubted Mom’s friend would leave until Erin was up and well enough to be with her mother. Or rather, she hoped she wouldn’t leave. She sat up and rubbed her eyes.
Before the dam broke—literally, and it would almost seem figuratively in terms of traumatic events—Nathan had been sharing his morbid story with Erin.
With her and no one else.
She couldn’t let him down. If she focused on helping him, then she could rise above the trauma—and she needed that for her own mental health. Two people needed her help. Mom and Nathan. As for Nathan, she wanted to get into the attic to see if she could find the articles Nathan had mentioned.
She ran a brush through her hair, then left the bedroom. Mom and Aurie—pronounced like Laurie without the L,as she always said when she introduced herself—a woman Mom worked with at Main Street Thrift Shop, stopped chopping vegetables at the counter. Both looked up at Erin, stunned expressions on their faces.
Mom set down the small knife. “Oh, honey, you should be resting. Did you need something? I can bring you whatever you need. Are you thirsty or hungry?”
“No, I’m fine.” Erin moved to stand between the women and looked down at the vegetables—carrots, celery, onions, zucchini. “I need to work.” But not necessarily chopping vegetables.
“You need to rest,” Mom said. “Should I call the doctor and get a prescription for—”
“No.” Let me cut you off right there. She didn’t need more prescriptions in the house that her mother could potentially abuse—if that’s what was going on. Mom was taking medication, but Erin was in charge of administering the antidepressant. And in her absence, Nadine had helped with that.
“We have plenty of veggies to chop here,” Aurie said. “If you want to help.”
“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Erin grabbed a cut celery stalk and crunched on it.
“They’re going into a big stir-fry for Sunday’s church pot-blessing.” Aurie grinned. “You know, pot-blessing instead of potluck.”
“I get it.” A small laugh erupted. Maybe she could truly get back to some normalcy.
“And Aurie was so sweet,” Mom said. “She brought over a lasagna that we can warm up for later. She used to be in the catering business. Did you know that?”
Erin shook her head on the business, but on the lasagna ... “Oh, thank you. That is sweet.”
Erin appreciated the friends Mom had made over the years living here, and a sliver of regret skimmed through her heart. For months she’d been trying to get Mom to leave her friends to come out West to live with Erin. It took time to develop long-lasting and trustworthy friends, which Erin knew well because she’d yet to create a decent network of them in Seattle. Mom had built a life here. Even if Mom gave that up and moved out to be with her, Erin was working all the time. What had she thought she could offer?
None of that mattered now.
Aurie grinned and handed over the chopping knife, hilt first.
“Actually.” Erin shrugged as she gave Aurie a sheepish grin. “I have my own work I need to get on top of. I’m behind as it is.”
“Are you sure?” Mom asked.
“Yes. Working in my office will help clear my mind.” Of far too much trauma than anyone should have to experience in one lifetime. Erin gave her mother a quick hug. Since she couldn’t search the attic, her podcast was the next best thing.
When she pulled back, Mom held her arms and smiled, looking like her usual happy self and nothing at all like a woman who’d had her stomach pumped last week. Erin simply couldn’t trust that look, because she had missed the signs before.