Oh, Mom. I almost lost you.
“Okay. After Aurie and I finish here, and when you’re done too, then maybe you and I can have a cup of coffee along with some key lime pie I made for last...” Her mouth suddenly turned down.
And Erin would work to bring back her good mood. “Oh, good. I love key lime pie. Thanks, Mom.
“It’s good to see you, Aurie. Thanks so much for hanging out.” Erin wouldn’t say more and hoped Aurie understood the depth of her gratitude. For now, at least, keeping Mom occupied and in good company was for the best.
She headed to her office and overheard Aurie asking her mother what job Erin was working on. Erin wasn’t sure keeping her podcast anonymous mattered anymore. Then again, she might want to go back to her job at some point if it was still available to her.
She closed her office door behind her and sat in her chair at the desk, then shut her eyes. The world seemed to spin around her. She drew in a few calming breaths, then focused on getting out her next podcast episode. Opening up the script where she’d left off, she read through the next scene of the story and the words pulled her in. She hoped her listeners would be riveted as well. She longed to make a difference. She lifted her headset, pressed it over her ears, adjusted the mic, and began.
Her voice shook at first, but she kept going. She could edit and smooth things out, or worst case, do it all over again.
“Welcome to episode 3. If you recall...” She gave a recap of the previous episodes, then said, “And today, we listen to the actual 911 call made by Missy’s mother.”
Erin digitally inserted the recording that she’d obtained and listened to the frantic mother’s call, feeling the woman’s anguish to her core. Would her listeners?
Once the 911 recording was over, Erin continued. “We learn that the bridge had collapsed and police had to take another route, which was much slower. Dispatch remains on the call with Missy’s mother, Angela Gardner, and even tells her about the bridge, but the details about the bridge have been redacted. Regardless, due to unfortunate circumstances, the police took an extraordinarily long time to get to the house. Still, neighbors and friends were already searching the woods.
“I can’t help but wonder if police had arrived at the house within minutes of the emergency call, whether the missing child would have been found and her abductor caught. Next, we’ll talk about the statement Erica Weeks gave to the police. Here’s a teaser. Only Erica knows the full story of what happened up to the point that Missy was taken, and her story will make you shudder.”
Erin ended the podcast before she read through the advertisements. After taking off the headset, she pressed her head on the desk. Maybe she should have rested a bit longer, because now she was completely spent.
A light knock on the door drew her head up as her mother opened it. Mom frowned.
“Hey.” Erin offered a meager smile. It was all she could muster.
“We finished chopping, and Aurie’s gone. I’m sorry to interrupt. I have a headache, and I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up when you’re ready for the key lime pie.”
“I will.” Though this late in the day, they might as well save it for dessert after the lasagna. “I’ll put the lasagna on in about an hour. Will that be okay?”
“Thanks.” Mom’s frown remained as she shut the door. Erin suspected it had to do with her headache.
Erin would take advantage of her mother’s nap. She wouldn’t have to wait until the middle of the night to search the attic. At the moment, Delmar was edging his grass, so that could help to cover any noise she might make. With Mom napping, Erin could search the attic for articles that Dwayne left behind. Mom had boxed up a lot of his stuff and stored it in the attic.
Nathan mentioned that Dwayne had given articles about a cold case to Newt to look into. Knowing what cold case he wanted information about would go a long way in helping Nathan. Beyond that, Erin could see if there was something in the attic that had triggered her mother to want to commit suicide. After all, Nadine had claimed the attic stairs were hanging down when she found Mom.
In the kitchen, Erin quietly grabbed a soda and popped the top. Mom would be settling in for her nap. Erin crept down the hallway. The trick would be getting the attic steps pulled down. Quietly, she tugged on the small rope, and springs squeaked as the stairs unfolded downward. She held her breath and waited.
Mom didn’t come out of her room. Even if she did come out and catch Erin going into the attic, it wasn’t like she was committing a crime, but she didn’t want to trigger her mother again, if that was possible.
Erin crept up and into the attic, and at the top of the steps, she found the switch and flipped on the light, surprised the bulb worked. Dust and cobwebs filled the space like no one had been up there in decades, but Mom had been in the attic recently. That was, if she’d made it up the steps before taking those pills. If she had, then the dust had settled back into place quickly.
Old furniture, a cedar trunk, and plastic bins had been stacked against the wall along with numerous cardboard boxes. Erin would start with the closest box. The tape had been cut and she ran her hand over the top and found it reasonably dust-free. Mom must have been looking in this one.
What got you so upset you would try to commit suicide?
Then there was the issue of Mom not remembering that she’d self-poisoned. Erin had looked into it to confirm her suspicions. Studies showed benzodiazepines caused memory impairment, especially after the event. And of course, many people who suffer from depression or attempt suicide struggle to remember the exact details leading up to the moment, especially involving an overdose—so that wasn’t so unusual. But in Mom’s case, she didn’t remember taking the pills and claimed she wouldn’t have even tried to commit suicide. Erin feared she could even become more depressed over the sense of loss of control over her life.
Erin would need to do additional research into it. Talk to someone who might have more information about benzodiazepines, specifically Valium, and memory impairment. She put that on her mental to-do list. Having those answers would go a long way in helping Mom. A therapist might be able to answer her questions, but Mom was still waiting to get in to see one, and that appointment was weeks out. Erin wouldn’t concern herself too much with the memory issues until she knew more.
She opened the box and peered inside to see stacks of photographs, old magazines, and yes, newspapers. Maybe she could find those articles. But why keep all this? She didn’t think her stepfather had been a hoarder. Mom either. Nor was there a lot of family memorabilia to keep. Erin had never even met her grandparents on Mom’s side. Her grandmother had died when Mom was born and her grandfather later, but before Erin was born.
It felt like Erin and Mom had lived on their own most of their lives together. When they moved to Big Rapids, Montana, before Erin was ten, Mom married Dwayne. They’d only been married a few years when he died in the SAR accident, and once again, Mom and Erin were on their own.
They had each other’s backs. Erin went to the University of Montana for her bachelor’s degree and continued through their clinical psychology PhD program. She stayed close as long as she could, even with her residencies, but eventually took the job in Washington, and Mom didn’t follow. Why had Erin believed she could convince her, or even that Mom would be better off living with her there?
Erin released a heavy sigh and focused back on her task so she could make headway before Mom woke up. Plus, Erin needed to put that lasagna in the oven to warm up.
She pulled a stack out of the box and began thumbing through it. Maybe she could find something that would help Nathan and something that would help her understand what was going on with Mom. If she found a photograph, a letter, or an item that could have been the catalyst to Mom’s suicide attempt, then she and Mom would have a serious talk later.
Over key lime pie.