The door to our temporary quarters slid open, and Darius appeared seconds later at the entrance to the small bedroom. Soon to be his bedroom. Solo. I’d already made arrangements to sleep elsewhere tonight. My own room. This ship had hundreds.
“I need to speak to you.”
“Really? Now you want to talk?” I looked down at the fantasy man on the cover of the novel I held and shook my head. “No. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“You aren’t going on that mission, Lily. I forbid it.”
What. The. Fuck?
“You forbid it?” I heard the high, lilting quality of my voice and made no attempt to adjust. I was pretty sure Darius had no idea what that tone meant. He was about to find out.
“It’s too dangerous.”
“Is it?” I pulled the sleeve that had been partially covering the comm unit on my wrist and looked at the message I’d received from General Romulus not five minutes ago, verifying that the meeting details for tomorrow’s mission launch were still there. That I hadn’t imagined it.
“Tell General Romulus you changed your mind. I will take your place.”
I stood slowly, holding the Grace Goodwin book, the total goddamn lie, and walked to a disposal unit that would send the paper to recycling. Dropped the story inside. Closed it. “I’m going. My flight simulation scores were higher than yours. I have a better chance of reaching that cruiser alive, and you know it. Besides, Queen Raya tried to kill me with a rockslide. Not you.”
“I can’t let you do this, Lily.”
“No?” I picked up the book I’d thrown on the floor and walked to the disposal unit. Threw the second book inside. Bye-bye, beast. “Can’t? Really? Like you can’t tell me the truth. Like you didn’t tell me you had a brother die? Your second-tier bonded fighting partner? Tycho?”
“There was never a good time.” He had the good sense to look ashamed of himself.
“Uh-huh.” I walked to the small seating area outside the bedroom and marveled that even here, on a battleship, in outer space, the Starfighter quarters were much nicer than anything I’d ever seen in a movie, at least on a naval ship of any kind.
“Lily, are you listening to me?”
“Totally. Please, keep talking.” I took a seat on the small sofa-style bench, lifted the water I’d been drinking earlier from a small table, and finished it off.
“Lily…” He paused, ran his fingers through his hair, that gorgeous, soft hair I’d been tugging on just hours ago, as if he suddenly didn’t know what to say.
“No, Darius. Go ahead. Tell me why you humiliated me in front of three generals, every Starfighter on this ship, and my friends. Tell me how dangerous this mission is. How worried you are about me. How weak and unskilled and incapable I am. Go ahead. I’ve heard it all before.”
“Stop. I didn’t say any of those things.”
“Didn’t you?” I set the now-empty water jug down slowly. Deliberately. My tone was detached. Calm. My mother had trained me well. “I’m going on this mission, and then I’m going home. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a new partner in no time, now that you’re back in an Elite Starfighter uniform.”
My eyes were burning. Tears. No. No. No. I blinked them away and took a deep breath to clear my head. “I’ve already made arrangements to stay elsewhere tonight. We’re finished. Done. You don’t owe me anything.”
I stood and walked the three steps to the door.
Don’t look back.
Don’t look back.
I did, to see Darius’s pale face. Round eyes. He looked shocked. Unsure. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
“I’m sorry about your brother.”
Darius still hadn’t moved when I exited the small room, the door sliding closed on a past that was too painful to dwell on. I had a mission to complete, a planet to save.
I was a goddamn Elite Starfighter Titan, not a sappy schoolgirl.
To hell with external validation. With needing approval from other people. I had completed the training program. I’d been chosen. Mia and Jamie were friends I’d chosen, friends who respected me and treated me well. Supported me and my decisions.
I was done giving others so much power over me, my emotions, my confidence.