I was too.
I’d have to be fucking crazy to think I would get out of this mess without a scratch. That wasn’t how life went in the MC. It was dirty, it was bloody, and people died. I knew that, though I wondered if Dylan believed that.
My husband wasn’t like the others in the MC. He wasn’t like Savage and me. We were raised around all the blood and death. Dylan wasn’t. His mother did right by him. She protected him. She allowed him to have a life beyond where he came from, and I would be forever grateful to her for that. But there was nothing I could do to prepare him for what was to come.
I did everything I could to prepare him for the inevitable.
I left nothing out.
I knew going into this that there was a possibility I wouldn’t survive. I made my peace with it. Accepted it. Even planned for that particular outcome. Yet, nothing could have prepared me for the look in Dylan’s eyes last night.
He broke me.
Shattered me into a million pieces. He looked so lost, so dejected, I didn’t know what else to do. So, I did what I always did when I couldn’t help him. I loved him the only way I could, with my body.
Last night was hands down one of the most sensual nights I ever had with Dylan, and if by some miracle I lived through the next couple of hours, I would spend the rest of my life giving Dylan and Hailey everything they deserved.
I wanted Dylan’s dream. I never knew how much I wanted it until last night. Just us. Nothing more. Alone, away from the MC life, living life on our terms. It was like a magical place I couldn’t quite grasp but knew I wanted with all my heart. The only problem was that magical everyday life wasn’t in the cards for me. As much as I wanted to give Dylan his dream, I knew that was impossible. He would have his dream someday, I knew that, but it wouldn’t be with me.
I ran the variables, tried hard to change the outcome, but in the end, there was the only way to ensure the club’s survival, Dylan’s survival, Lucas’s, and Solomon’s survival.
I made peace with that reality a long time ago.
I accepted it.
Now, it was time to enact it.