His caresses turned into grips on my flesh, pulling me tighter against him. “Christ, Sutton,” he swore softly. “You can’t honestly think that I would-”
“I said that the details weren’t the same,” I reminded him. “However, the principle is. Nothing good can come from keeping secrets, and nothing solid can be built from lies.” I pulled away from him and sat up, looking down at him sprawled out across my bed. “I think our foundation is too shaky to build anything solid on it, no matter how much I crave the things you do to me.”
Ross sat up, then cradled my face in his hands. “That’s bullshit, Sutton,” he bit out. “I get that you have trust issues, and they are going to always be there, even if I never fuck up again. I get that, and I get why. I’m not dismissing the importance of what happened with your parents. Still, your lack of trust for people, and my missteps are not reasons enough to end this.” Dropping his hands, he sat up straighter. “Besides, I already told you that I’m not letting you go. So, we can…I don’t know. We can go to counseling together or whatever, or we can fight every day for the rest of our lives, but I amnotletting you go, Sutton.”
“Ross-”
“I’m ready to fucking marry you, Sutton.” My eyes rounded with shock, and I couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped. “I will marry youtomorrow.That’s how sure I am that you are it for me. That’s how sure I am that I will never love or want anyone else for the rest of my life. Secrets or no secrets, nothing changes what it is I feel for you. You’re the only one who’s unsure here.”
“Are you insane?” I whispered in shock. “You would marry someone who doesn’t trust you?”
“No,” he answered. “I’ll be marrying someone who I love. Someone who I trust. Someone who I can’t live without. While I wish you trusted me and loved me as much as I love and trust you, this isn’t about how you feel about me. This is about how I feel about you.” Yanking me across his body, I was straddling him as his hands dug into my mess of hair. “I love you, baby. I love you so fucking much, and I will always regret hurting you. That regret is something that I will take to my grave. Still, I’m not letting you go. I’ll take your disdain, your mistrust, your anger, and even your hate over not having you at all.”
Tears started flowing down my face, and I couldn’t even tell you where they were coming from. I wasn’t sure if I was crying because he was saying all the right things, or if I was crying because I felt weak. I felt like I was becoming everything I swore that I never would.
Yet here I was.
I was sitting on Ross’ lap, ready to let him hurt me for a third time.
Who did that?
What kind of woman signed up for that kind of heartache? What kind of woman saw the signs but ignored them anyway? What kind of woman chose a guy over her own self-worth? What kind of woman opened the door to invite misery in?
A woman in love.
“Say something, Sutton,” he pleaded softly. “For the love of God, say something, because your tears are killing me.”
I took a couple of deep breaths and wiped the tears away the best I could. I wasn’t sure what there was to say because I hadn’t forgiven him, but I wasn’t sure I could walk away completely.
Not if he kept coming after me.
Staring into his blue eyes, I knew my next words were probably all lies, but they helped me feel like I was still in some sort of control. “You hurt me again, and I’ll walk.” He opened his lips to say something, but I slapped my hand over his mouth. “And you’ll let me,” I finished. Lowering my hand, I added, “That’s the deal, Ross. If you lie to me again, avoid me, hurt me, anything close to what’s already happened, I will walk. I will walk and you will let me go.”
“I can’t agree to that,” he replied through clenched teeth. “While I’ll never lie or hurt you again, I can’t agree to anything that allows you to walk away from me, Sutton. I can’t do it.”
I moved to get off his lap, but he was on me before I could get away. With his naked body covering mine, it would be so easy for him to slide back inside me and make me forget all the baggage that was between us.
However, that’s not what he did.
Instead, he braced his weight on his elbows, pushed my tangled hair back from my face, and looked down at me, his weight holding me prisoner. My legs were spread for him, and I could feel his dick hardening, but he wasn’t pushing for more sex.
Looking down at me, he said, “Marry me.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Marry me, Sutton,” he demanded again.
“No,” I repeated.
“Yes,” he argued.
“Why?” I choked out. “Because you want to win? Because you want to trap me?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “I want you chained to me in a way that you’ll never be free from. I love you, Sutton, and I’m afraid that you truly have no idea the lengths that I’ll go to in order to keep you.” My heart thumped hard in my chest. “Marry me.”
“I’d have to be insane to marry you, Ross,” I pointed out. “People don’t get married to fix the problem. They marry for love.”
He arched a brow coolly. “You don’t love me?”