I open my mouth to his forked tongue. He is expecting me to keep my eyes open, so I know who I am fucking. And I try.
His fingers tangle in my hair, then graze my throat. He doesn’t need to do anything else. I come quickly with a gasp, like I am breaking apart. My body has never responded to any man the way it has here. Under, or my monsters, have unlocked a part of me I didn’t think existed.
His grip tightens, and he comes with a groan. His lips on mine.
I realize my eyes are closed.
I open them. He is looking up at me, lust filling his amber eyes and making them bright. For a moment, I think he is about to say something nice. His knuckles graze my cheek and his lips twitch like he is about to smile.
His thumb sweeps over my lower lip. “Maybe you should suck my other dick.”
A growl drags my attention away from Tail. Michael, Horn, I correct since he doesn’t want to be known by his old name, glowers from the tunnel he’d disappeared down. He must sleep near the bath.
Tail releases me with a whispered, “later.”
I re-wrap the robe around myself before heading to the nook they call a bathroom. It’s an area in a corner, shielded by what might be part of a car, with a pile of sand in the center. It’s not much, but it is enough.
When I return to the main cavern, Horn and Tail are talking.
Horn looks at me, his blue eye cold.
This is madness. Going to the center is dangerous. They are right; we’ll all die. I should stay put and give in. I shake my head, knowing they aren’t my thoughts, but the ones that breed in this place and the longer I’m here, the stronger they’ll become until I crumble and lose who I am and become something else.
The thing I’m supposed to be. The thing I hide.
I shudder and Horn’s gaze softens to concern. Did he try to resist, or did he fight from the moment he arrived?
“You know we won’t be enough the closer we get to the center.” Horn says. “you’ll need more than two protectors.”
I have already reached the same conclusion, but if I give myself away to everyone, what will be left of me? Or is this another way to lose myself? “What if no one else wants to help?”
I’m no one special. My hair is dyed, and I wear the scars from the first time the monster that rules Under tried to grab me.
“You need to give them a reason to help,” Tail says. “You think you can leave, and you have shown us that the changes aren’t one way.”
“You brought hope.” Horn is grim. “That has the power to destroy what little humanity remains.”
Tail puts his hand on Horn’s shoulder. “We want the chance to change and go back.”
“But we can’t return looking like this,” Horn growls.
“And to reach the center, you need to fight, which makes you a bigger monster. Every time you win, you lose.” I bite my lip and stare at my bare feet. “That’s why no one has ever escaped Under. By the time they reach the place where they can, they have forgotten why and how.”
They have lost everything that once made them human.
“Most likely.” Tail agrees. “So that is your job. We will fight, but you need to remind us why we are fighting. Even if it hurts, make us remember.”
“How can I force that? I know Mic—Horn from school. I can tell him things from then. But I don’t know you. How can I remind you of who you were?”
Tail hands me a worn notebook. “I can’t remember how to read. But I know I wrote this when I first arrived here.”
I flick through the pages. The writing is neat at first, the pages smudged like the ink had gotten wet. Then the words become a scrawl, and the spelling gets worse until it’s like a child printing random letters and hoping that it will make sense. The last page with writing has a stick person crying. A lump forms in my throat and I force myself to swallow.
I turn back to the front, then look at the cover, searching for clues about who he is. “You didn’t write your name.”
“I didn’t think I’d need to.”
“I’ll read it and look after it.” I put it in the pocket of the robe.