Shadow crouched in front of him and wrapped his arms around Gray’s waist, burying his face in Gray’s chest. “I’m so scared that I’ll forget you. I’ll melt back in with the Others and I won’t be able to help it.”
Gray put his arms around Shadow’s head and hugged it tightly, fighting back the tears pushing at his eyes. “I will never forget you. Never,” he whispered in a tight voice and kissed the top of Shadow’s head. “I wish I could go with you.”
All of a sudden, Baal’s plan for this world didn’t sound so scary anymore. Hadn’t Shadow said that all humans would become part of Baal’s swarm once he opens the gates? If Gray melted with them, he could be with Shadow. And if not, then perhaps at least he would forget the pain of being apart.
“I’m sorry we didn’t find any more rubies. I don’t want to give up, but I also… don’t want to miss out on time with you because for the rest of my stay here we’re chasing rubies.”
His ‘stay’. As if leaving didn’t mean Shadow’s death.
“I want to go with you,” repeated Gray with more conviction.
Shadow looked up at him with the pale ruby eyes. “If I leave, you will be needed here, you will have to help the Kings stop Baal. You now have the Pigeon Heart, and a chance to win. I love this human world so much. Everyone is so different and varied, and even though people clash because communication is hard, there’s a beauty in that too, because you humans still manage to connect. I want you to live as yourself and experience that again.”
Gray laughed. “What movie is that from, huh? What will I live for? What is the point? The past two years have been miserable. But this? I don’t know what to do after this,” he whispered, rubbing his face against Shadow’s fragrant hair.
Shadow only hugged him tighter. “Please don’t say that. You’ve got your friends. They are your family. On the Other Side, existence is nothing like it is here. Your personality, how you live with others is what makes this world. If you want to die because I’m not here, I regret ever being born into human flesh.”
Gray slid off the bed and into Shadow’s lap, hugging him so tightly his arms were starting to ache from the tension. Nothing in the world could offer him the kind of peace Shadow’s presence did. It was warm, solid, and so loving Gray wanted to freeze and stay in this abandoned house forever.
Shadow sighed. "You know what else you have here? Memories. Things that passed stay with you, and I love that, it's beautiful. Whenever I was in that cell, I could think back to the way your breath left steam on a window, or how your hair caught moonlight in the most amazing silvery way when you were still gray. And I didn’t feel unhappy about that. It gave me a warm feeling even on the coldest nights down there. When I imagined your scent, it was as if I was smelling it. Memories are incredible. I want us to make as many as possible before I leave. Please, let’s enjoy the time we have left.”
Shadow stroked Gray’s back and kissed away a tear off his cheek.
It was all it took to calm down Gray’s breathing. He slumped in the embrace, not even ashamed of this moment of absolute vulnerability. Shadow wouldn’t judge him for it, and maybe with time, Gray would indeed find the strength to live on, but right now he melted into the safety of Shadow’s arms, allowing himself to be broken.
Chapter 28
It was late when they arrived at the clubhouse, but the party was still going strong inside, and when they made their way through the long corridors to the common room, the floor pulsed under Gray’s feet with each heavy beat. After hours on the bike, his confused, hurt feelings had turned into numbness, but he was glad, because facing everyone after the bitter disappointment at Roger’s house would be difficult, regardless. The familiar walls and arched ceilings didn’t bring comfort this time. They were only a reminder that there was no way out of this mess.
Gray wasn’t looking forward to reporting to Beast, but he couldn’t just leave that to Knight, who was over excitedly talking to Elliot about the ghost reunion that would happen soon.
Shadow’s hand gently holding Gray’s was the only consolation he had.
“Tomorrow we’ll find out how powerful the ruby is. Maybe it will all work out in the end,” he said as if this life-death lottery was something to be happy about.
Gray didn’t even know what to say, so he stayed silent as they made a turn and saw more evidence of an ongoing party—a threesome happening right next to a group of women smoking some pot.