“That is the epitome of an ideal long-term marriage,” Dani offered, with a smile. “Is that not what you also want?”
“I do,” she said, “but I also want to know that the person I choose cares about me more than anything,” she admitted, “and then I feel totally selfish about that.”
“Selfish?” Dani stared at her. “Why on earth would you feel selfish?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because it just seems like it’s a selfish thing to want.”
“You want to be loved. And you want that to be a true love. So, other than that, is there anything else that matters?”
“I don’t think so.” And then Lana shrugged. “Yet it just seems like we talk about personal growth. We talk about being so close that we’re almost two peas in a pod. I think that sounds like a good thing, and then he makes a comment that makes me think that he thinks it’snota good thing. So then I make a comment back, which I thought was trying to make it sound like a good thing again.”
At that, Dani held up her hand. “Stop,” she said, laughing. “I think you’re both on the same side of the same argument,” she said gently. “You just need time to figure out how you each feel.”
“I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested, but I’m really trying not to push him because I want him to be sure. And he’s the one who’s got so many decisions to make. And he wants such a different life in front of him now that I don’t want him to think that he has to settle for something less.”
“And areyousomething less?” Dani asked, staring at her in fascination.
Lana blushed. “I know that doesn’t sound very good when I speak of myself as less than. And I didn’t mean it the way it came off.”
“That’s a good thing,” Dani noted. “Otherwise we’d be having a completely different talk right now.”
Lana smiled at that. “I know. It’s all confusing to me. I just didn’t want… I wanted him to know that I was a friend.”
“Ouch.” Dani winced.
“What do you mean,ouch?”
“You friend-zoned him.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” Lana exclaimed, with a wave of her hand.
“It means that, instead of it being in a relationship, you wanted a friend.”
“I was just trying to explain to him that we were super close, in the sense that we always seem to know what the other was thinking, how we’re always on the same side of every issue,” she explained. “It’s like… It’s almost as if we’retoomuch the same.”
“Ouch again,” Dani repeated, laughing. “That doesn’t sound quite like how you may have wanted him to receive it.”
“I don’t know what I wanted,” she murmured. “I thought I was trying to give him some options.”
“Options,” Dani said in fascination.
Lana’s shoulders slumped, and she stared at her boss glumly. “I made a mess of it, didn’t I?”
“I’m not even sure whatitis,” Dani admitted. “If you like the guy, tell him. If you don’t like the guy, let him off the hook gently because this seems like a less painful way than whatever you’re trying to do.”
“In other words, sort out what I want and then tell him and be clear.”
“Thank you.” Dani said, with a bright smile. “Was that really that hard?”
“I didn’t think so,” Lana murmured, “but apparently I confused myself to no end.”
“Yep, you sure did.” Dani shook her head, even while smiling. “But the good news is, he’s still here. He’s still available. He’s still around the corner, and you can still talk to him.”
“And what do I say?”
“How about,Hey, just for clarity, I really like you,” Dani suggested. “Or, even better,I’m not sure how or when, but I’ve fallen in love with you…”
“Well, I can hardly do that,” Lana protested.