“Why? Because you’d be the one to speak up first?”
She flushed at that. “Right, we’re back to that old fear again, aren’t we?”
“I don’t know,” Dani said. “Are you? And then what fear is that?” Dani asked. “Fear of not being liked? Fear of not being good enough? There are all kinds of fears. Maybe you should sort out what it is you really want from him and then, instead of giving him mixed messages, come right out and be honest about it.”
“Well, it all sounds good in theory.”
“It also sounds good in practice too,” Dani declared. “You just have to share your thoughts better and let him know. Both of you. He’s the one with the biggest worries. He’s the one who’s not whole physically. He’s the one who has and will have long-term medical issues. He’s the one who’ll have to retrain for a new career. All kinds of stuff are ahead of him that are not guaranteed in any way at all. So, if he has some insecurities, I get it—particularly when it comes to relationships. What you need to look at is whatyouneed, so that you’re clear on that, and then you need to tell him. Don’t keep boxing around, playing games. That’s not what he needs right now.”
“Got it,” Lana said. She took a deep breath. “The thing is, I already know what I want.”
“What’s that?”
“I want him. I just don’t think he’s ready at all for a committed relationship.”
“And are you?” Dani asked in a very serious tone. “You’re the one who’s brought up all kinds of different stuff here lately. Maybe you need to bring up more stuff. Maybe you’re not ready either.”
Trouble was, Lana had to admit, maybe Dani was right. Maybe Lana wasn’t ready at all. She wanted to be ready. She hoped she was ready, but, until it happened, was she? Maybe not.
Ryatt stared atthe shrink in front of him. “Sorry?”
“Your fears?” Dr. Sullivan asked quietly. “I mentioned last time I wanted to assess where your fears were at.”
He frowned. “Well, I thought I was doing okay with them,” he murmured. “But, of course, I’m sure you’ll say I’m not.”
She smiled gently. “You might be surprised. We don’t expect you to deal with all of them, but the most prevalent ones, if they rear their ugly heads, they do have a habit of slowing your overall progress.”
Ryatt nodded. “That makes sense.So what am I afraid of?” he repeated, staring at the room. “Honestly, not healing enough to be independent.”
She looked at him. “Is there any doubt of that happening?”
“Well, there always is,” Ryatt stated. “My sister’s a case in point.”
“Just because your sister came back for further treatment doesn’t mean that she wasn’t independent and doing well on her own, before her need for more rehab.”
“And she was,” he conceded. “At the same time, I don’t want to return to Hathaway House. I see that as a setback and maybe not in her best…” He stopped, not even sure what he wanted to say. “I guess I just feel like, in a way, it’s a failure.”
“Ouch, hopefully you didn’t let her know that.”
“I guess it’s a criticism, isn’t it? I wouldn’t want her to think that.”
“So why do you think it’s a failure?”
“Well, I just… I guess I feel like, if it had been done properly, right from the beginning, she wouldn’t have had to come back.”
“That is definitely a judgment,” she murmured. “And I get that. From your perspective, you probably think that you would have done better.”
“And that just makes me sound like a jerk too,” he said, frowning. “And I don’t mean it that way.”
“Well, it’s interesting that that’s how you view it. I think our innermost fears and views are those things that we keep inside and that we accept as normal and natural, but really they aren’t necessarily so.”
“I guess,” he said. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Well, let’s sideline that conversation and return to why you feel like your sister’s a failure.”
He protested. “I’m not saying she’s a failure, but…” He stopped, frowned. “Maybe I am. No, I think I’m saying that I’m afraid that her treatment was a failure. Or failed her.”
“And that is a big difference there too,” she noted, with a nod of her head. “But not enough of a big difference to bypass this right now.”